Monday, January 21, 2013

Our Normally Scheduled Word Art Has Been Pre-Empted

When your day begins with a little of the ol' uternine 'splosions, I can only think it's going up from there, Readers in Latvia! And yet, I'm frequently wrong about a lot of things, most of them numeral related.

I finished a manuscript I'd been editing, or as I like to think of it, saving the world from terrible grammar. I was FREEEEE! Free to work on my own Brilliant Word Art, so naturally, I spent most of the day shaking my fist at the sky, eating various forms of Doritos, and urging the children to kill each other more quietly, please. Mommy doesn't FEEL WELL.

Any mother worth her weight in margarita salt knows that when you tell your kids you aren't feeling well, it's pretty much open invitation to destroying the 50% of the house your pain-filled carcass isn't immediately occupying. So it goes, Readers in France, so it goes.

The good news is that the magic of codeine has taken my intense death cramps from a 10 on the 0-10 with 10 being-set-on-fire-with-napalm and 0 being how-men-usually-feel-each day down to a manageable 7. If by "manageable" I actually mean "I'm still gnashing my teeth and occasionally groaning for the epidural."

The good news, is if I'm very, very patient and say my prayers each night, I might wave a fond farewell to my evil cramps in another...ohhhh...15 to 20 fucking years. Yeah. That sounds good.

I've already warned The Man that he's getting chicken fries and macaroni for dinner, and he'd best not complain. Seriously. Complaining could to lead to dismemberment right fast around here today.

The good news is that I have a lot of Word Art ideas. The bad news is that I'm not getting all fancy creative today. Even if I wanted to, and I do, I do! well, the codeine sort of makes me feel like my normally sequin-covered brains are actually made out of mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes with real butter, yes, but potatoes nonetheless.

So you hold on to your Monday evening cocktails, ladies and gents, and Your Favorite Writer will catch you later this week!