Monday, December 10, 2012

Serenity NOW!

I think we all need a nice slow-clap and standing O for Your Favorite Writer's epic patience and maturity recently. I can't give you the details right now (although I am thinking of writing a book, and since most of the people I might offend are the ones being gigantic douche-bags, really it's a win-win for us ALL.) Especially if I write a book. It would of course be non-fiction because those are largely plot-less, and thus less likely to stymie Your Favorite Writer with details like plot development and denouments and the like. Although I think we can all agree that saying denoument makes us sound fancy and educated! Only if you pronounce it as it was meant to be, in the French style. Day-Noo-Mon. You're welcome.

So I've been a very mature lady this last week. I have left rooms when I was likely to start ranting and shouting "say WHAT again, Motherfucker, I DARE you!" and randomly shooting Marvin in the face and/or dancing around with a lighter singing Stuck in the Middle with You.

I've confined myself to the High Wingback of Power and stared out the window toward the NFH's house as I brooded over the adjustments I'd have to make the mental Revenge List. Oy Vey, the planning, Readers, of a good revenge list. Am I right? I know, I know. I love the Dalai Lama like he's my OG and here I sit plotting revenge. No one said I'm immune to irony. In fact, I embrace irony like it's the warm bubble bath I should draw myself upstairs. I veritably steep myself in irony, like a gentle camomile. I also read a fantastic old-school mobster book by that prose-master Dennis Lehane. Those gents had a serious Revenge List!  

It's really hard though, to relax and stop plotting revenge when you're freaking out and angry and frustrated because you have to leash your proverbial dog. Serenity NOW! Not effective.

Because I am such a mature and refined adult, I plan to spend today doing things to soothe myself, as well as spread some Christmas/holiday-of-your-choice cheer!

UPDATE:  I just returned from my gallivanting and did the following:

* Mailed a package to my soul-sister-in-law out West
* Sang along with Tom Cruze's cd player (currently A7X because my free trial of satellite radio is up.)(SADNESS.)
* Offered to let a confused person at the post office to go ahead of me in line, because technically I wasn't there first, I just knew where the line formed.
* Found cheap and exciting holiday decor at the cheap-y deal store
* Purchased Pinterest project supplies from WalMart
* Didn't ram a single person with my cart at WalMart
* Found a couple cool presents for people at WalMart
* Helped an old lady move her cart at WalMart
* Drove Tom Cruze really fast around at least three corners. That always soothes me.
* Sprayed my windows with the fake snow spray I bought, and almost asphyxiated myself.
* Limited myself to half a cookie that my fancy man-toy The Man made last night. (Hey, if one of us has to cook, I'd prefer it's him. He is good at it, I loathe it. Plus he never burns cookies. I ALWAYS burn them.)
* Best of all, I made it all day withOUT a call from school. Casanova is coughing like he gets paid for it and I was assuming I might have to be all "break out MAH predniZONE!" but so far, so good!

Now that my batteries are mildly recharged, as they are usually on Mondays, I'm off to really finish today off with some pizazz = vacuuming! The revenge list and hexing will just have to wait until I open the curtains on my Zombie PMS window. I do all my BEST revenging then, anyway. Serenity now!

Comments, questions, what do you do to keep yourself sane this time of year?