Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Habits of an UNsuccessful Writer

Out of all the recurring mail I get in my "official" email inbox (as opposed to the one I've had for 500 years with the name "Sammo" in the address), the one that annoyed me yesterday was something about "habits of a successful writer."

Look, it annoyed me and I didn't read it. I can only assume it said something like:

*Chain smoking
*Wearing all black
*Drinking coffee
*Fighting through migraines
*Drinking coffee with extra booze
*Drinking booze
*Ignoring signs of mental illness and writing more
*Collecting cats
*Sacrificing goats to The Muse

Now, I am not a successful writer, per se. I barely remember to post on my blog, which I do as an exercise in writing. SIGH. If I wrote a list of habits of UNsuccessful writers it would be:

*Getting distracted by cheap Christmas gift ideas on Pinterest
*Listening to the Lady Gaga station on Pandora
*Drinking coffee while playing string with your Himalayan
*Playing string with your Obese Housecat
*Laundry - both the wearing of and the doing
*Working on your fitness
*Composing insightful and laser-focused emails to your spouse
*Checking Facebook
*Reading Dennis Lehane novels
*Cursing your USB cable because your netbook won't acknowledge it and you can't get your newest Dennis Lehane novel
*Talking to your BFFIC
*Talking to your Soul Sista about extended-family-drama-at-Christmas-time
*Writing amazing fiery prose about extended-family-drama-at-Christmas-time that you might not post because you don't want everyone to burn you in effigy on your lawn (maybe)
*Hanging out on Amazon
*Raising your children

As you can see, I am pretty sure that I'm not tortured...enough. I am not weeping daily and shaking my fist at the cruel winds of Fate. I'm not chatting with The Muse on my shoulder, as I rain creative vengeance from my mere fingertips. I'm doing laundry, chatting with my BFFIC and looking for a Real Job (sort of) and/or a way to be creative AND frugal at Christmas-time. The fiery prose thing too, that was yesterday's high accomplishment.

(Again, not sure if I can take that sucker live. I'm relatively sure that my therapist would nix that, but since she refuses to live in my basement as my Basement Life Coach - even though I promised to paint the guest room and bathroom any color she wanted - I will have to ride this out on my own.)

I'm off to do...laundry. Look for me to be all Mrs. Plath, um, tomorrow. No wait, I have a doctor's appointment for Princess then. Maybe Friday? Maybe I can be a successful writer on Friday.

Comments, questions, what's on your list?

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