Thursday, November 15, 2012

My New Oven

I got a new oven recently, due to the death of my refrigerator (it makes sense) and it is a fancy *convection* oven (which I thought involved molecules and particle physics but really just involves a FAN). Really. Why can't we just say "internal fan oven" instead of getting me all excited about some Stephen Hawkings cooking shit?!


Due to the convection part, I have to do algebra to figure out temperatures and where the oven rack should be and it's actually a gigantic pain in the ass. Granted, not as much a pain in the ass as trying to clean WATER off the glass cooktop. Seriously. When water stains something, it's a giant pain in the ass. I have to use a razor blade, according to The Oven Book, which I don't have lying around because I have children and one of them destroys everything and the other one might use it to fashion a shank. So I have stains that live on my glass cooktop, unless I use the toxic chemical convenient cleaner thingy that asphyxiates me. Y'all know I'm not Donna Reed. The stains remain.

The other night I was flipping through The Oven Book to determine some part of my quadratic equation, when I saw this:

That's right. My oven has a SABBATH setting. I was all, does it play "Iron Man?!?!" What temperature does it need to be for Ozzy to begin singing? Maybe I could set it to play a guitar solo when it's done cooking!

I read on.

Apparently it's for Kosher cooking. Oh. THAT sort of Sabbath. Got it.

That does make more sense, now that I think about it. I would certainly have chosen an oven with the Metallica setting.

Comments, questions, what does your oven do?