Friday, November 2, 2012

Becoming a Crazy Cat Lady

TGIF readers in Israel, and if nothing else, viewing my stats and my audience forces me to look at the little green Blogger map and try to figure out where countries are. I still have no idea. My public school education failed me epically in the old "geography" department. It's all I can do to remember if Ohio is to my east or my west. Frankly, I'm far more likely to remember each lyric of an LMFAO song. My mental acumen, it dazzles.

I don't know if you devout fans in other far away lands watch our fabulous American television shows, but I am pretty much becoming a recent episode of Modern Family. In the show, Cam (one of the gay couple's characters) has an epic meltdown, after revealing that staying home while his child is in school isn't fulfilling. He's spent his time on a secret "master project" which turns out to be creating a mermaid costume for their cat.

Normally, I'd say that I'm internally Cam on most days as it is. I'm outgoing, flamboyant, and likely to create a SCENE whenever it's needed. Then, the other day, I stopped by the vet to pick up some of Moose's magic gold-dust cat food.

Vet Conversation:

Me: "I am having a horrible time with Fluff's (the Himalayan's) clumps!"
Vet Lady: "Well, that's why my mom kept hers shaved. She had a little jacket for him in winter."
Me: "OH! He wore a jacket! Fluff could wear a coat..."

Then I began thinking of all the awesome cat-couture I could dream up for my ridiculous Himalayan, who is already silly looking enough. Voici:

Why yes, I have comandeered this bag. What of it?

Coats! Sweaters! Maybe even a jaunty beret! 

Then I realized, dear GOD. I am becometh Cam. I am one bad day away from cracking out my Singer sewing machine (that I know not how to use) and bedazzling an outfit for my cat. We are approaching the brink, Readers!

Luckily, my infamous distraction got the better of me before I could start googling swatches. I had some other projects that demanded my time. Like planning a joint birthday party for the Children of the Corn. Doesn't that sound like xanax fun? No? No.

But it did pull me back from the very edge of Lady of Leisure insanity. For now. Plus? Fluff already has a drinking problem.

Her whiskers, being gimpy on one side, prevent her from fully realizing spatial issues. Thus? Her fuzzy head gets stuck in glasses. (Relax Peta, her head came out. It was also Bacardi-free Crystal Light. Just as she'd have in The Wild.)

And rather than sewing, which is WAY too domestic for *this* girl, I would rather provide The Internet and all of its wanders with an awesome blog devoted to my cats! I KNOW! Why the delay?! Why, I could have spent years posting pictures and fabulous tales of adventure. The time lost, it pains us all. Stay tuned! If I lose enough of my mind, you may end up with a blog devoted to a bizarre little Himalayan and an Obese Tabby Cat who wants to control the world. From his food bowl.

Comments, questions, are you knitting fuzzy mittens for your cat today?