Thursday, October 11, 2012

To B12 or not to B12

A woman (lady? girl? chick? female?) I went to high school with recently told me that she had found taking vitamin B12 gave her boundless energy and she felt less like a corpse come 4 p.m. I thought that sounded just dandy since I typically feel not only like a corpse come 4 p.m. but a corpse that has been run over and then propped up on the front-room couch in a jaunty pose, a la Weekend at Bernie's.

Given that yesterday was my favorite day of the week, muthalovin' Commissary Day, I purchased some B12 in tablet form. $2.99 for 100 pills. A bargain kids.

I followed the recommended dose, i.e., one pill a day with a meal. I waited.

I felt a little less sleepy-ish and stayed up later than I normally would have, although that was partially due to external forces that are neither here nor there. I was tired, and fell asleep but woke up every time my dog started snoring louder than she had been. (I also woke up to some weird thumping noise that made me double check the location of Lupara, my shotgun. Turns out it was only the typical nocturnal douchebaggery propagated by my next-doors.)(Yes, Friends in Italy, Lupara is a type of shotgun. I'm being clever AND multicultural, no?)

This morning I woke up thinking "there is NO WAY it's my alarm going off." Of course it was. My eyes felt as if a tiny pixie had shoved grains of sand beneath my lids as I finally slumbered. Putting my contacts in this morning was a torment designed for the Inquisition, ladies and gents.

I fully expected to seriously consider coming back inside and hopping back in ye olde memory foam covered bed. I didn't. I brewed my coffee and ate my oatmeal and hopped online to make sure my kids had money in their lunch accounts. (They did, but barely.)

I'm not sure if this is a testament to B12 or not. I know that if anything (and I mean ANYthing) affects how much sleep and the quality of sleep I get, it's OUT - magic effing vitamin or not. I don't suffer anything to mess with my sleep. Sleep is my superpower. I appreciate having the energy to fold clothes at 5 p.m. (a time normally reserved for fantasizing about sleep) but if it keeps me up late and I don't get DEEP sleep? No. NO.

Remember that fun time that I tried Wellbutrin for my Zombie PMS? And then I developed staggering anxiety, because, shhhh....::whispers:: Wellbutrin can cause anxiety. And I have a tendency to worry ANYway. Wellbutrin is basically legal speed. And I wasn't sleeping well? THAT was fun. By fun, I mean, that lead to an ever-so-lovely but short script for xanax. I don't like feeling all Korn Coming Undone. Am I right?

I'll give this vitamin a try. I'm hoping last night was a weird anomaly. I'll google it because what DOESN'T google know?

I can tell you that google knows a poem I wrote my junior year of high school. No lie. I was all what the HELL is this doing on there, Internet? The internet is like some weird old clutter-filled box at your mom's house. You look and you're all, what report card is this and did I really get an A- in pre-algebra? (The short answer is that yes, I did. I told my dad to which he replied, "how mighty are the fallen." Do you see what I'm dealing with here, Monkeys?) But seriously, I don't know that I even HAVE a hard copy of that poem anymore. I got an A+ on it, for what it's worth. And it's copyrighted, bitches. So if you try to steal my confessional mojo, I have my eye on you...

Comments, questions, do you B12 or, alternately, find weird shit you did in a former life on the Internet?


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