Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Some Friendly Advice

This year, I almost let my favorite holiday pass without dressing up and doing my best Lil' John impression (shots! shots! EVERYBODY!) and then culminating the evening with a rousing driveway Riverdance session.

I said, almost.

At the last minute, Sassy offered to have the Children of the Corn over to her house for an overnighter, and we couldn't pass that up without attending a party, right? Right.

I went as the devil, who, due to Zombie PMS bloating had to wear her own clothes and attach random devil paraphernalia to it. The Man went as his favorite costume ever, because he didn't want to buy a new one. He was a gladiator. I was fending the cougars off him all night. Really. I had one lady approach me in the line for the ladies, to tell me she wanted to be president of The Man's shirtless fan club. Sorry, I'm resident Dictator of Shirtless The Man town.

Here you have a picture of us:

Next year I'm going to nail the costume, and/or hope to not be experiencing 20 pounds of water gain. Whatever. (The Man was about to blink because people kept taking pictures. I swear I saw sparkly dots for half the party because of all the flashes going off. Very pa-parazzi, no?)

So it was a $10 cover and then all the booze you could drink. I'm not much of a mixologist, given that my beverage of choice involves Crystal Light. Really. I decided I'd try the fruity looking stuff in the giant tub that a barely clothed woman was ladling out. I know; there is SO MUCH wrong with that entire concept. I know. The epic hangover, it burns us all.

I had 1.5 cups of that stuff. That's IT! I found myself chatting with so many new friends! A bumblebee party- fouled and spilled HER fruity tub drink in my fake Coach purse. The horror. I talked to everyone, but that's nothing new, or unusual. I also found myself expounding on my favorite book series when some wit suggested that the HBO series was basically porn. Oh, I'm sorry, would you like to hear a literary lecture when you're drinking and dressed up for Halloween? Well, you're going to.

I felt tipsy but okay, and pretty much demanded some Taco Bell, which should be illegal when you're drinking weird fruity tub drinks. When we left, The Man (who had sipped water while I finished up my fruity tub cup) took me obligingly through the drive through. We got home and I found myself rather...stumbly. I may have also rambled incoherently about wishing my bffs lived with me in the basement or something else totally sensible. "What was IN that tub?!" I demanded, mayhaps too late. (The Man had about a half cup of the Devil Punch, then bottled water, and was fresh and sparkly as a daisy, I might add.)


The next day, I pretty much tried to die. I checked out signs of alcohol poisoning from my phone between rounds of rushing to mah glamorous party girl potty room. OY to the VEY Friends in Israel.

I decided it came from Satan's own booze stash. Fruity tub drinks are NOT GOOD. I also vowed that drinking. is. bad.While everyone assures me that I'm not a qualifying alcoholic, I got so mad at myself for being sick on untrustworthy tub drinks that I am just not going to. Drink, that is.

Self control is prided very highly at Casa de Sammo, and when I disappoint the harsh taskmaster my mein head, someone will report to the barracks for PT, and that would roughly be Your Favorite Writer. I know, I know, I'm human, made a bad judgement call, etc blah blah blah. AND YET. I can make sure that I never get sick on icky tub fruit drinks again, can't I? I may not need to work the 12 steps, although doing lists usually soothes me, but I also don't need to make like Captain Jack Sparrow with the rum for a good time, eh? I'm not saying I'm breaking up with Bacardi forever, but for now, we're definitely seeing other people. Like Sprite Zero.

And to you people out there working the steps for any reason, more power, because I don't have compulsions/addictions (other than vacuuming and writing) but I can imagine how hard it is to do one day at a time. As always, you people inspire me.

Comments, questions, how went your adult Halloweens?