Friday, October 5, 2012

Of Migraines, Maxalt and Fictitious Brain Disorders

Good to see that my U.S. readers are holding firm, and of course you Russians - mah HOMIES, and shout out to the lone Belgian this week!

After I perused my stats, I had to update, mainly because I didn't want to A. deprive you of Brilliant Word Art or B. die of my plaguing brain aneurysm and leave you without my general shining awesomeness in the universe.

I should mention that my doctor's office, at least as of this morning, does NOT believe I have a brain aneurysm. They seem to think that just because I have a (dirty) history of migraines, and my migraine meds seemed to make it go away that it indicates the problem is a migraine. Whatever. Let's hope they feel really BAD when I end up in my coma.

Who the HELL ever heard of a migraine giving you not only the prequel but also the sequel, and then the follow up?! Sort of like a horrible head-explosion version of the Die Hard franchise. P.S. Just saw somewhere there would be another Die Hard movie this winter. John Maclain will not, in fact, let the bad guys win - whether he's eligible for a senior discount at Costco or not. You're welcome.

Anyway, that's where I've been. Lying around and practicing my latent doctor self-diagnostic skills. Is my face numb? Is this an early warning of an aneurysm? Should I have another cup of coffee? Where are my shoes? The usual.

I've also been stalking anyone at all likely to give me a job, besides those scamming bastards who post on Craigslist. Heads up kids, if it's a job you could have done while you were taking 15 credit hours your freshman year at Ye Olde College, it has no name listed and says it pays $20 per hour? It's not real. I know, it hurt me too the first time. They've gotten pretty good - except for their abysmal grammar when they send you the email to try and trick you into sending personal info. Newsflash: legit companies do NOT do credit checks before they meet you, nor do they have names that sound like something you'd make up in a book you wrote in junior high - also? Look for words that don't work together. Most Americans ask for a college degree, not a "university" degree. We also don't say "this job is in high financial" - you read that right. "High financIAL." I sent back my own, very special and grammatically correct response.

Thusly, I'm contracted with two separate companies but still waiting for work to destroy with my passionate love for correct grammar and concise prose. The rest of the time, I'm loading up on migraine meds and wishing I had put on Avenged Sevenfold radio on Pandora, instead of Pitbull radio. I can't hear "dale!" one more time today, I'm pretty sure.

It could rupture my aneurysm. We're already pretty touch and go.

But at least we aren't falling for Craigslist scams, readers in India. Am I right?

Comments, questions, what's playing on your Pandora and do you have any imaginary health issues?