Friday, July 6, 2012

Caliente!!! Or, since I took French, Tres Chaud!

So as the lovely state of Indiana staggers under the oppressive heat of the hottest heat wave EVER, Your Favorite Writer is definitely trapped indoors. Trapped is certainly the operative word, Friends in Eastern Europe.

School starts soon, I murmur to myself, soothingly. Soon.

Then, I wonder if I know where that xanax went off to.

But OTHER than talking to myself and considering developing a drug problem (JUST so I can head to rehab),  I'm looking for work and planning my future. (By "planning" I mean spitting in the wind.)

And I'm also trying to think up a plot. What better time to write my best-seller-that-will-later-become-a-movie-and-land-me-on-Ellen??? I would consider a semi-autobiographical tale of adventure and excitement, but I'm pretty sure I'd then be sued by all sorts of relatives. That would make retiring to the Caribbean pretty difficult.

The trick, at least for me, is that I want to write something that I'd want to READ if I picked it up at the library. I usually know within a few sentences if I want to read a book. For instance, I know a lot of you ladies out there are all "50 Shades of S&M" but I read half the back cover and knew I'd be annoyed too much by the writing. It sounded too cheese-ball to keep me hooked. Say what you want about my penchant for Lee Child novels - the man at least knows his prose.

Thusly, Knows His Prose is submitted for a band name. Since I'm the resident Dictator in these parts, motion caries!

There's always the "write what you know" chestnut. Riiiiight. I know vacuuming and loud children and longing for a solo-vacation on the dark side of the moon. THAT does not a riveting tale make.

So, I'm still trying to come up with something that works. Until I get distracted by sweating. Have I mentioned the heat wave? Seriously. Even indoors you have to take a break from rooms that aren't as cool. And I feel so bad for people who have only fans and their faith in the weather system breaking to get them through this. It's that hot. Triple digits almost every day this week. I don't live in Phoenix, dammit. We don't usually get crazy hot until end of July or August.

Fun fact: more violent crime occurs when it is super hot. I learned THAT tidbit in college, but learned last night on the news that it could be because extreme heat increases testosterone in people. Gross.

Well Diligent Readers, I'm off to pencil in some plot concepts. Wish me luck and a good thunderstorm.

Comments, questions, can you come up with a story?