Wednesday, May 16, 2012

::Another Fun Episode of Search Terms!::

Picture me doing the LMFAO shufflin' in the upstairs office nook, to the sound of, what else, Sorry For Party Rocking. I'm not, in fact, sorry for party rocking, but since I want to keep you all happy, I'll apologize anyway.

I figured out my new and stupidly changed Blogger backside user thing. I figured out how to find search terms, which is pretty much my favorite thing EVER. As long as the list of favorite things ever doesn't include whipped cream, lemon flavored rum, a fabulous new hair stylist who offers free bang trims, high-heeled sandals and/or anything else that pops into my perky brain.

My general if vague understanding of search terms is that there is a magical leprechaun who lives in Blogger and writes down all the things that people in Russia search, right before clicking on my glittery perfect Word Art blog.

Today, the leprechaun outdid himself when he told me some of the latest search terms.

"pink Hitler": SEVERAL (make sure you read that word right. I did say SEVERAL) for this phrase. What the holy hell. (For that matter, what IS holy hell? Anyone?) I don't even know why those words are in the same pairing. Hitler and pink. Pink and Hitler. I know that Hitler did not like the gays (further proving his overall historical douche-ery) so I can't imagine that we're looking for Hitler wearing pink or being fashion forward or anything like that. Also, this search term led to one post in which I'd compared Casanova's attempt at Iron Man's hand-blast move to an unfortunate Hitler youth salute. I am so deeply disturbed by all this that I now have to go and inoculate my kids' wee porous minds with tolerance and love. Especially because unlike Hitler, I deeply love my gays. And all things pink.

"Buspar Sprite": Oh give it UP already with the Buspar. It's a weak, bitch cousin to the far better and less easy to come by Xanax (or, as I like to call it, "don't give a shit in a pill"). I don't advocate Xanax usage. Unless you need to. I'm not a mental health expert, OBVIOUSLY. I personally find Buspar to be a worthless, brain bubbling douche of a pill, and I'd rather drink a Coke Zero and do some laundry.

"the end bullet for my valentine lyrics": Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Thanks all you moms out there who DON'T think that Taylor Swift is acceptable minivan accompaniment! I don't mean to toot my own horn here for general awesome music taste, but beep beep. Granted, I don't know THAT particular song, but I'm ALL ABOUT their song "Your Betrayal." It's sort of in keeping with my overall revenge list, Al Capone mentality. I mean, first off, if you want to do revenge effectively, a list is really the only way to keep things organized. Secondly, if you betray me, I'll have to put you on the list. I mean, I may not set you on fire, per se, like the song, but I may *sing* the song WHILE I'm plotting against you. Ask The Man. He knows this. I may or may not have an informational video about my vengeance theories.

"picasa web crochet borders": I have no idea why that would lead anyone to my blog. Seriously. I suck at pictures. And I really, really suck at crochet. Is that literal crocheting? I wouldn't even know where to start. Is it like knitting? I don't do things with thread. But I'm glad that you found me, whomever you are, even if you like to crochet we can still be friends.

That's all for today's episode of Awesome Search Terms. Stay tuned for more epic blog-age. My laundry is calling and I need to answer.

Comments, questions, find what you were looking for? Even if I don't write in Cyrillic?