Friday, May 18, 2012

2012's Edition of Happy Anniversary!

Where did the year go, I ask you! I remember writing last year's anniversary post like it was way more recently than a full year ago, but the calendar doesn't lie, so without further ado...

               ::**2012's Edition of the Happy Anniversary Post!**::

This May 18th anniversary is our 9th year together. According to google, the traditional gift for 9 years of marriage is pottery. I have no idea who the shit thought of this. I can guarantee you, without doubt, if I presented The Man with a pot for our special day he'd probably use it to put sports event stubs in it. Or use as a mini-trash can or maybe a place to throw the 492 items he routinely stores in his pockets. (You should see the basket on the counter. It's full of The Man Pocket Items. I can't even find a freaking PEN in there.)

So. No pottery.

What then?

I'm stumped.

Maybe a poster like this:

Kenny Powers, ladies and gents, that staple of anniversaries everywhere.

(Still beats frackin' pottery.)

But while I try to figure out what to do for The Man (I'm hoping it involves a Brazilian steakhouse), I will regale you with this - What I Have Learned After Nine Years of Marriage:

There is no perfect marriage. Stop looking at your friends and thinking that they get along better or are happier or have more in common. We've watched quite a few "ideal" marriages tank, over the years, and we're still here. Sure, fighting and threatening to poison one another on occasion, but still standing.

Some battles you will not win. I mean, you might THINK you're winning. You might genuinely believe that you've convinced your partner that you are totally right - you've trotted out every logical argument and each painstakingly labeled exhibit ifitpleasethecourtyourhonor, but you still won't win. It's because your partner isn't you, doesn't have your brilliant mental acumen, or maybe it's because you're not right. I hear. I mean, I am always right, but you're not. See what I did there?

You can't *imply* things that you want. If you expect your partner to psychically pick up on hints and innuendo and shifty eye movements, and especially if that partner is male, you might as well just give up. Tell. him. what. you. want. For instance? For 10 years, I want jewelry. Very, very specific jewelry. From a very specific store. Now we'll all end up happy! We'd, ahem, better.

I can't overstate the importance of forgiveness, mainly because I'm still trying to learn how to do it. Seriously. It has a lot to do with a happy marriage. I read that somewhere. I just like revenge BETTER.
It's not *my fault* I was bella mafia in a previous life...

I'm sure there are about 500 other things that I have learned in my nine years of marriage, but really, the main thing is that you take the vows seriously and don't give up. There are *always* reasons to give up. I leave the pizza box open, the pizza cools, The Man goes insane. The Man washes his hands and splatters water all over the counters I just wiped down, I go insane. Etc etc etc. Marriage is FULL of etceteras. It's HARD and I heard a wonderful quote by Michelle Obama the other day. I'm paraphrasing but she said, "Marriage is hard, but no one ever tells you that. They just ask if you love him, and what does the dress look like?" So, so true.

As I get ready to attend two lovely weddings, one of them for my very own darling stepdaughter, I realize how true that is. The wedding is just one day - a wonderful celebratory day, but still only a day. The rest of the marriage is every day *AFTER* that day. All those decisions you make, things you do and say, will make your marriage what you want it to be, or what you want it to NOT be, depending.

Finally, I can honestly tell you this; after nine years I'm still married to someone I want to see at the end of the day, a great daddy, a guy who can change my oil, build a deck or a center island, a guy who is man enough to admit when he's wrong and who doesn't quit, even when I give him reason to, a man I still love and who is, in the words of my BFF's 81-year-old Mamaw Gigi, "a total hunk."

So, after meandering around all over the place, let me just say: Happy Anniversary to me and to The Man. Another year together. I love you.