Tuesday, December 20, 2011

It's That Time of Year!

Happy Anxiety Days! Festive Cramps! Merry Debt!

Why not celebrate realistically?!

And Friends, this year I am celebrating as I DO. Currently it's by watching Nicki Minaj videos on YouTube and trying to figure out what. the. fuck. she. is. saying.


I LOVE me some Minaj-isty. I do. If I were a petite rapper with pink hair? I'd be Nicki. I just wish I could decode the rap parts of super bass. If two little British girls could do it? I'm sort of failing here.


And the parts I can discern, I don't understand.

Who is the guy with the thing on his eye? The Monopoly Man? Mr. Peanut?

And why does Nicki want a coke dealer? I mean, I'm glad the guy flies first class. But is flying a METAPHOR?!
Nothing but questions here people.

I should be doing LOTS of things. I should be baking. (Unless people in this house value their expensive dental work.) I should be vacuuming. (ALWAYS.) I should be making lists. (They help me get stuff DONE.) Right now I am flagrantly ignoring my list.

I came upstairs to work on some paperwork-y things, realized I hadn't updated my blog in forever and a bleeding DAY and that I couldn't possibly work without musical accompaniment.

(I also just realized that I no longer can spell for SHIT. Double dose of SADNESS.)

Something else that I learned from Ms. Minaj? I should really replace my florescent black-light tube. How am I supposed to turn my basement into a personal home rave for The Man and me without black light?! Exactly.

I learned way back in 1996 that there isn't much that black light doesn't make better.

Pink Floyd? Better. (If possible.)
Rum? Better.
Your best friend's hilarious jokes? Better. (Because your teeth glow when you laugh.)
Your HIGHLY creative neon painting skills? Better.
Bleach stains on your whites? Better.

Life lessons, Friends, it's sort of what I do.

Also? And unrelated? I pretty much concur with every aspect of the party rock anthem.

Tight jeans, tattoo 'cause I'm rock n' roll = Yep.
Everyday I'm shufflin'= Yep.
Now stop, hatin' is bad = Always.

Plus I'd like to party rock. I'd pretty much rather party rock than finish laundry, that's fo' sho. I'd also rather party rock than fight crowds for last-minute Christmas gifts. UGH. Normally I love shopping (unless the kids are with me)(which is a form of torture), but not this time of year.

This entire post is just like the time that Spongebob had to write a report for Mrs. Puff but put it off and fed Gary and then dreamed his pineapple caught fire.

I'm mightily procrastinating here, and I have a doctor's appointment in an hour. My life is rich and full. Much fuller with a working black light.

True 'dat.

Happy party rocking! I'm out homes.

Comments, questions, what the hell is Nicki Minaj trying to say?!