Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Searching for Answers and Getting....My Blog?

Oh Readers, what would I do without you people finding my wee sad blog after searching things that make me....confused...? I wouldn't have *today's* blog material, THAT is for sure. This blog is for you, random strange term searchers! As our good friend Rhianna sings, "I'll drink to that."

List of Amazingly AWESOME Search Phrases that You Typed, That Led you HERE:

"Retarded scooter" - After I stopped laughing, I tried to figure out what you were actually searching for - a scooter for a disabled person (in which case you are probably NOT going to find it, given that no one really uses the word 'retarded' in that sense anymore. It's 2011 for God's sake. We have better terms!) OR were you looking for a scooter that was retarded itself? (Meaning a ridiculous scooter?) I hope you found whatever scooter you needed, Searching Reader. When you need a scooter, you need a frackin' scooter.

"Black drag queen" - I have no idea what I was talking about in any of my posts that would lead someone to land here after looking for a perfectly good black drag queen. How sad and disappointed you'd be to find Your Favorite Writer's blog, which is basically a neurotic uber-pale Goth-ish white girl blathering about nothing. I hope you found a FABULOUS black drag queen somewhere. With a feather boa and sequins EVERYwhere, in 4" heels. THAT is the sort of black drag queen *I* would want, were I in the market.

"Drinkable codeine" - Ah, now we're getting somewhere. I *KNOW* I mention codeine like I should be slingin' pills in a back alley somewhere. Mainly because it keeps me alive once a month when my uterus tries to destroy me. Or when my lungs try to kill me by inflaming and such. The irony of course being that I don't actually LIKE taking codeine - I get irate and/or sleepy and/or vacuum too much. I would happily never see codeine again, in any of its forms, but my body doesn't seem to like me very much - and insurance doesn't cover acupuncture. Although it might cover uterus removal. Hmmmm...

***But the winner for BEST wackadoodle Search Phrase goes tooooo.....***:

"HoverRound Spinner Rims" OH MY GOD. I can't believe the luck! Somewhere out there is another person who realized that a HoverRound Mobility Scooter is bad ass enough; but adding spinners would make that 'whip SO bitching that all the pimps would envy it! I'm a little concerned that my awesome Word Art mentions mobility scooters so often, but then again? They're pretty sick. Kudos to you, Searching Reader for being ahead of the curve. I hope you kick it HARD at the retirement home. Mine will have a custom paint job. Candy pink if you're curious. And yes, I will rep the dubs. Word.

So that's all for today, Diligent Searching and Otherwise Readers. Keep up the good work, I can't wait to see what else leads you down the internet rabbit hole to my Electronic Literary Gift to all Mankind! (Why no searches for my favorite bands? Get on it A7X and Disturbed fans! I can't represent the Bored Housewife Hard Rock contingent all by myself! Actually, I can. But still. Get to it!)

Comments, questions, what led YOU here?