Thursday, October 13, 2011

Backing Slowly Away from The Amazon

I decided I had to post something on my blogful of Brilliant Word Art, mainly because I was almost ready to double-click my way to a sweet new pair of Ed Hardy boots. It could still happen.

Amazon is treacherous for the stay-at-home mom. I mean, we could drag our whining offspring out and about, while we try on boots in the teeny stupid angled mirrors at Payless, OR we could just hit Amazon while we drink low-acid coffee and sit with our bandaged foot up on a chair with an ill-fitting orthopedic post-surgical knee ice wrap on it. I know which one *I* pick.

STUPID Jillian Michaels dvd!

(The worst/best part? I've lost 4 EL-BEES since I started really modifying things and working out hard. So let's just put the brakes on THAT success! Dirty foot sprain!)

(The Man got all kerfuffled about my GP's shoe-advice and insisted I make an appointment with the Fancy Othro Docs' Practice here in town: the one also known as Fully Sponsored by the Sammo Family Medical Bills.)(In two weeks, I'll start this medical year's newest financial contribution. SIGHHHH.)

Aaaaanyway.

I already bought a $10 (shipping included in the total!) allergen-proofing mattress cover for Casanova today. Whee!

But *nothing* is more exciting than 50% knee-high Ed Hardy boots. Mmmmm. I'm still considering hitting the back button a few times here people.

And before you're all "well looky at YOU, suburban trend-follwer mom!" allowmetorebut.

I think it is completely BAD ASS that tattoo-designs are now mainstream fashion. Why? Because it pretty much validates my body-mod collegiate choices, for one. And two? Who doesn't enjoy seeing women with fake tans and uber-collagen/forms-of-internal-silicone (whose idea of a tattoo = a tiny ankle shamrock) walking around, liberally slathered in roaring tigers and lightning bolt skulls? Exactly. I LIVE for HIGHlarious irony.

Just as much as I live for wicked fake fur topped knee-high winter boots, Friends.

My birthday is coming soon, and while The Man is on Killer Jewelry Duty, *I* may be buying myself some BOOTS. (I can't buy myself a Kindle or a Nook e-reader because my mom had mentioned something about that AND I really want one so I can avoid my library. See also: state-licensed extortionists. I am pretty sure they have a Gotti in the back room.)

And the boots look big enough to accommodate my Ace bandage. Win!

**Update** I totally bought some Ed Hardy boots. Not the original pair I'd been eying, but a mid-calf pair with white faux fur and the bleeding 'love kills slowly' heart. Am I watching my mailbox like Spongebob did when he sent off for a free prize? Yes, yes I am. I'll post a pic when they arrive in all their glory.

Comments, questions, is Amazon your boyfriend?

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