Monday, July 25, 2011

The Best Laid Plans and All That...

Remember when we talked about how Mommy was getting a fan-say car with serious HP-izzle under the hood and all that? Hmmm? Well.

That was before Mommy requested an insurance quote. HOLY crapballz. We have super affordable special military insurance (hurrah!) and it was STILL a billion dollars a month. I have NO idea how all the 17 year old douches kids afford it - oh wait, the same way they afford the cars = rich parents.

So, unless any of *those* parents were wanting to adopt a lovely married couple and their silly expenditures, we had to look elsewhere for a car. In fact, even the V8 brand new Camero was cheaper in insurance; although then we'd have to carry around a tub of Crisco to get the kids' car seats into the back. (We totally test drove Bumblebee and made my son's entire YEAR. Although I'm pretty sure that he, much like his mother, was a wee disappointed that at no point did the car turn into an Autobot and say funny things with the radio.)

Saturday, we piled into the Crappy American SUV and drove all 'round our great city looking at cars, and stopping briefly to hit a Greek buffet. (Sounds odd but the gyros made my heart swell with joy.)(Reason 32 of Why I Make a Crappy Vegetarian = gyros.)(Number 432 of mispronunciations that make me crazy = gyros. Pretend the 'g' isn't even THERE friends, it's YEE-ros.)

We stopped at some little import dealer where I lovingly caressed a Dodge Viper. Only 10,000 miles, convertible and they were asking $43,000! I told The Man to write a check. Bargain! Alas, we had to move on.

We checked out Jeep (I vetoed it as ugly and cheap), Hyundai (the new ones actually look rather fancy) and then we hit the Chevy dealership, where we had scoped out the base model Camero (I wanted the batmobile) when we smelled something....not good. Oh, I see, it's antifreeze. Did I mention it was approximately 400 degrees outside? We popped the hood and our reservoir had blown its lid and the coolant was, um, literally BOILING.

Luckily, The Man had just done work (for his company) for the service department, so he knew who to call. Apparently, the service department guy *also* suspected that boiling antifreeze was a bad thing - so we gave him the keys. Lucky for us, the service guys couldn't check it out until Monday. We had no car. Awesome. We wandered around for a few minutes, while the kids entertained themselves in an area filled with toys and coloring books. THAT was a lifesaver, friends.

The Man went off as I was looking the other way, and found himself being introduced to a gigantic black Chevy Avalanche. I remained irate and/or despondent. The kids wanted to see the car Daddy was looking at, so we all trooped back outside into the Sahara. We didn't have anything else to do, and no car to do it in, so we took it for a test drive.

Sure, it only gets about 3 miles per gallon and probably raises the average planet temperature by 2 degrees every time you start it, but it has a flip-down dvd player with wireless headsets! I can make the kids be quiet! JOY! It's big enough inside that the kids are far away from me = win. It was actually a really nice car.

I liked it. I was annoyed that I did, but I LIKED it.

And, if we took the bed covers off and put the seats down, it was like a pick up truck. OMG, it's a TRANSFORMER!

I'm honestly a TERRIBLE person to car shop with. I start liking a car and I'm all suuuuuure, we can buy it! BUY IT! The salesman really doesn't have to do anything at all. They should actually pay ME for doing their job, but since I'm just selling it to myself, it probably won't happen.

You can guess how this story ends, right?


We *totally* bought the gigantic black Transformer car/truck thing. Given that we always have the kids with us, and we inevitably end up wanting to haul a bunch of river rock around, it's really much more practical than the batmobile Camero.

And I don't have to carry any Crisco with me.

Comments, questions, how do you handle car dealers?