Monday, May 23, 2011

Update on Jesuits, or, Weekend Movie Review

Normally when I do a Weekend Movie Review, I'll tell you all about the movie and what I liked, etc etc. We'll see how far I get with the *actual* movie review, because I'm pretty sure most of this post will be dedicated to my current rather overwhelming fear of demonic possession.

Thanks a lot, The Man. (He picked the movie.)

We watched The Rite, which, if I hadn't been totally convinced that Anthony Hopkins was the scariest man EVER (well, except for my personal nightmare-on-legs Christopher Walken) this movie pretty much just made sure that if I ever saw Anthony Hopkins, the actor, in real life, I'd sprint as fast as my wee short legs could go in the opposite direction. I'd then bedazzle a sassy tank top with "I Saw Anthony Hopkins and Lived!" in purple rhinestones.

The movie plot is something like this: some actor I don't know, playing the role of sort-of-Father (but not really because he hasn't taken his vows) would rather be a priest than a mortician, his family business. He really just wants the degree that he can earn on scholarship. Oops, though, because the head priest guy is onto this tactic, so he decides the young faith-challenged guy should go to Rome and enroll in a class about exorcisms. For whatever reason, the head priest guy believes the young kid would make a great priest, and given the church mandate about qualifying exorcists (wait, you thought ANYone could do them?) off our hero goes to Rome.

While there, he meets Anthony Hopkins, who (um, der, NATURALLY) is a Jesuit. Anthony Hopkins is busy living in a cute little Rome-ish apartment that's frequently swarmed by cats. We learn that cats over-run Rome. (I'm totally moving to Rome. It's gorgeous AND it's a veritable cat sanctuary. And I love Italian food. I could keep going....)The young doubting semi-father guy then gets to help Anthony Hopkins with exorcisms.... Aaaaaand that, my friends, is where the movie gets its groove on. We have a "doubter" as he's called by, um, the devil, and then we have Anthony Hopkins shouting in Latin.

I'm not going to give you any more details, because I don't want to ruin anything. It's actually a pretty good movie, given that I usually end up hiding under my fluffy throw blanket during such movies.

Really, the only issues I have involve the actual premise. Like, after I watched the whole movie, the text tells me that this movie was inspired by true events. Wait....what? So naturally, I turned to my trusted friend, Google, of the Search Engine Tribe. According to Google, the doubting father was based on a real priest who practices somewhere in California. I read several interviews with him, and although he seemed to believe tarot cards, Wicca and (clearly) Ouiji boards led to the possibility of possession, he seemed fairly intact in his faculties beyond that.

*Looks like those years in college are going to haunt me AFTER all. Mayhaps literally. Just find me a Jesuit, is all I'm saying here people. I only Ouiji'd once, and given that it was my honestly-semi-psychic BFF, PROBABLY not the best idea.But seriously, you throw a rock, you hit a Wiccan down there.*

And beyond the whole true events thing, which frankly terrifies me enough that I started asking The Man where his grandmother's rosary was, is the whole doubting-father-*still*-doubting halfway through the movie thing.

I'm just saying, someone tells me they're possessed, then starts babbling to me in a foreign language, THEN starts telling me in English things only my DEAD RELATIVES could know, um, I'm not a doubter. I'm also on the first plane OUT of Anthony Hopkins picturesque villa-town. No matter how cute his cats are.

*That* was a realistic touch, I will say; once when things started getting all medieval possessed at the villa, the cats were the first to flee. TOTALLY realistic. Cats will love you, purr for you, sit with you, cuddle with you, but the first sign that your ass is getting possessed by ancient demons and well, you're on your own, sunshine. And that's why my obese house cat guards our freaky basement. He's like an early-basement-possession warning system who happens to like ham.

Since I've always wondered *why* the Jesuits are the special exorcist guys on deck, I looked that up too. Apparently, the Jesuits are just really super-educated. Most of them have advanced degrees, or pursue doctorates. AWESOME. I bet being fluent in Latin is one of the requirements. How else are you going to get the demons out? Exactly.

And now, since I'm totally prepared for every possible possession contingency, what with my cat watching the basement and having told everyone about finding me a Jesuit (not to mention The Man looking for his heirloom rosary) I'm off to NOT worry about possession. Until I can't sleep. Again.

*Update* Just because I forgot, and then luckily remembered: was a baby involved, you ask? Well, you'll just have to watch the movie and see. I'm just saying. NOT the BABY!

Comments, questions, do you know Latin?