Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Way it Should Be

**I really believe that the writers for tween programming should be stuffed into a cargo ship and sent off to some country that annoys me. Like Finland...mainly because I don't know where it is. I think we can all agree this should be general policy. If you *don't* agree, I DARE you to watch an hour of ANY of the following: "Good Luck Charlie," "iCarly," "Victorious". Don't come crying to me when you've jabbed a remote battery into your ear so you wouldn't have to hear the crappy dialogue anymore.**

That was just an aside to what's really chapping my fanny on this fine and only-semi-frosty Tuesday. What really bothers me? Things that SHOULD be laws of the universe, yet aren't.

For instance. If you are trying to be a heavy, dark hardcore rock band? Lose the baseball cap. And the sunglasses.

I'm talking to YOU Avenged Sevenfold.

While I am completely on board with their use of pyro, as well as jumping around on amps, I think we can all agree that baseball caps should be left safely back in 1999 with Fred Durst. Not that there's anything wrong with a little "Break Stuff" because really? There ARE days when I feel like a freight train, first one to complain leaves with the blood stains.

DAMN RIGHT I'm a maniac...

But let's just add this to Sammo's Compendium of Rock Laws of the Universe. It reads thusly:

Black is great, especially when leather.
Use of flames, skulls, and/or being wheeled out in a straight jacket is not only acceptable, but encouraged.
Long hair, while traditional, is optional.
Sunglasses are okay ONLY if you're extra crispy from The Heroin and going acoustic.
If you look like a frat guy, Trent Reznor will show up at your house and teach you about his pretty hate machine.
And finally, if you have any questions, please refer to Metallica. If THEY think it's douchey, you probably aren't rock enough.

I know that I seem to fixate on this sort of thing, certainly a lot for a hausfrau, am I right? But honestly? I think the housewife rock contingent is TOTALLY under- appreciated. How else are we going to raise a generation of rock fans?! Someone has to combat Justin Bieber.

BEST RECENT ROCK ANECDOTE:

The Biebs apparently told Kid Rock that he'd purchased Kid's old tour bus. His response?

"I hope you had it sanitized, son."

That is how you do rock. Well played, Kid Rock.

Comments, questions, what do you vote for a Law of the Universe?

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