Thursday, January 20, 2011

Less is More

And if that's true, well then today is your lucky day! It snowed here, again, because apparently whatever sort of diabolical climate change I caused back in '87 with my Aquanet hairspray can basically means = a hella-ton of snow this winter. Snow sucks. I like it the first few times, and then I'm all, let's make like Buffet and head to somewhere hot!

I always tend to forget that thanks to my blessed genotype which specializes in mostly annoying chronic problems, I can't actually spend more than 3.8 minutes in the sun without needing a trauma unit and some skin grafts.

On a related sidenote: Had I been kickin' it old school style in Victorian England? I'd be totally hot. Fair skin meant you didn't have to work for a living and you were all upper-class. SWEET. Or, with my luck, I would have been born some tragic serf, and instead of tanning like the OTHER lower classes, I would just be the radish-looking freak show of the town. But, basically? If I'd been born before reliable c-sections I would have died anyway. Oh, unless Morgan Freeman from Robin Hood (the Kevin Costner one) was there, because he totally saved that lady with a c-section, yo.

But that's the gist of it. I'm pale, I'm cold, and I have to haul the kids off in the Crappy American SUV soon. Sure, it has 4-wheel drive. It also started making a new (and exciting!) noise this week, so basically when I hit the accelerator I sound like a semi-truck. AWESOME. Paint some flames on that bitch and call me Big Rig Mama.

Or not. Yeah, probably not. I *do* occasionally wear The Man's trucker hat because it's all righteous with a skull on it and stuff.

Either way, this weather = me not happy girl. :(

Comments, questions, what do you do when you're snowbound?


LilMissRedRidin'Hood said...

I love reading your blogs!

Sammo said...

Thanks so much BFFIO (best friend forever in Oregon)/soul sister! You have to check out the one before this because I TOTALLY tell everyone how you're better AND hotter than Joe Rogan. True story.