Friday, November 19, 2010

Fire Burning on the Dancefloor

So today, Monkeys, whilst I was cooling my heels at the doc's office, I sat right next to a VERY pregnant lady. Not just ANY pregnant lady either, one having contractions... (why she was riding those out in the waiting room is anyone's guess).

And pregnant women? Sure they glow, they radiate, and they curse a lot too. I felt SO BAD for that poor woman. Mainly because her husband was trying to be all helpful and I'm all SHUT UP YOU IDIOT because she was breathing and cursing her way through a contraction and he's like "how was work honey?" I'm guessing if work was interrupted by bangin' contractions, it wasn't the best shift ever. Just a thought.

When the nurse took me back I told her she might be doing a delivery soon if someone didn't check on Homegirl out front. But better her than me. I've done MY back labor thankyou.

And me? I have a UTI. Which is when you pee FIRE instead of pee! I know, you're all "gosh you're lucky" and that is a TRUE STORY. Not only do I rock boots with the fur, win MOST Jeopardy literature categories, but I also pee FIRE.

See, this is normal pee:

And THIS is UTI pee:

Notice the fire, and the angry face, and the talons that slice your sad, sad body with razor pain!

And it also makes your bladder feel like you have a tiny imp hopping on it! Like this:

See? The imp is even wearing cleats for added pain! So my Cipro and cranberry juice will be chilling here on the couch and trying NOT to set the toilet ablaze. But I'm still glad I'm not in labor.

Questions, comments, how lucky is your Friday?