Thursday, October 7, 2010


I would LOVE to tell you every detail of my entire unbelievable stupid horrible awful day I'm having, but it's so craptastic, you'd probably be all 'no way' and I'd be all 'what are you calling me a LIAR' and start sounding all Pesci in Goodfellas and that is NOT a pretty sight friends, so let's just avoid that whole scenario and hit the highlights, shall we?

I knew today would suck. I had THREE different doctor-type appointments, one of which included but was NOT LIMITED to a lady-exam (awww yeah) and another one was at the end of the day and did I mention the ROAD THERE is closed for, I shit you not, "beautification"?!!?!?! I don't know about YOU ALL, but I don't expect my major highways to be beautiful. I sort of expect them to, I don't know, be OPEN so I can drive mah carz-es on them in a driver-ly fashion. Thanks again, state of Indiana and your awesome tax expenditure ways.

And because I am a Life Lottery Winner, I was all "hey my head hurts" which fast snowballed into "hey my left eye is bursting. And there are ice picks of agony being driven through my brain. Again." so then I had to rifle through my purse while driving and try to find my Magical Blue Box of Maxalt and eat a dessicated-dead-rat flavored pill - which at least I'm lazy enough that I still had an old bottle of water in the car from 1912, and I drank that because old dusty water still beats pill-of-ground-dung-beetle flavoring.

So at least the eyeball bursting headache was over, and I was headed in the right direction, which is to say, literally my doctor's office. Yay! Prescription renew = win/win. In the stirrups while my kids are coloring near my head? Not win, so much, as lose.

Then when it was finally time to head out after the lady-exam festivities, I got all the way to the car and couldn't find my keys. Oh. I'd dropped them in the exam room. Awesome. Then I had to wait in line, find a nurse and be all "hey, I lost my keys" which is FABULOUS.

Because I gave $2 to the weird political door-to-door guy (watch out Electric company because my name is on a petition)(I mean the local electric company, and not the show that teaches kids to read because that is obviously cool) ensured that I had enough good karma to bring my keys back. Yay!

And then I felt miserable enough and migraine-hungover enough however, that I ended up blubbering all over my kid's dermatologist. Isn't it worse sometimes when people are all "you're doing great! really! You're a great mom!" Why don't you just kick me in the shin and at least I can be righteously indignant instead of snuffling up all your Kleenex.

So now I'm home, and decided it was high time for a vicodin due to the "break through pain" - and doesn't THAT sound like something you'd have on American Idol? You know, instead of break-through talent. And way more full of the suck-age.

And now I'm waiting for my brain to stop jouncing around my skull like a gerbil on crack, and I have to find an alternate route for the last appointment of the day. Unless I believe a migraine will get me out of it. Because Mommy doesn't need a "no show" charge added to the bill.

Really, it's just better if I crawl up under my down comforter and await darkness. It can't be too far off. Right? RIGHT?!

Comments, questions, how was YOUR day?