Sunday, October 3, 2010

It's *That* Time Again!

So, Saturday night The Man and I took a break from our usual Weekend Movie watching to do highly technical things with our magical sparkly Blu Ray player. Remember Paulo? Well, we decided that since our Blu Ray player was able to connect to The Internet its very own self, maybe it should do that and figure out its own bloody firmware! I know, this is JUST the sort of project you should attempt on a Friday night. Date night? Oh hell no. Yelling over instructions and who set the router up wrong? Yes please!

And, I'm very proud to announce that after about three hours, resetting my network password, opening DOS-prompt windows (yeah, I said it) AND pimp-slapping the router, our Blu Ray player is TOTALLY going steady with The Internet. Sure, it took another hour to figure out how to update the firmware, and somewhere Paulo giggled to himself and knew not why, but allegedly the Blu Ray will work AMAZINGLY well now, AND I can get Pandora right on my tv. How sweet is THAT?!

Now I can cook dinner and yell at Pandora for playing Nickelback. Because really? When you have the "Disturbed" channel, do you want to hear those Canadians whining about living every day like it's your last? I know *I* don't. (I take my Canadian rock in the Three Days Grace variety, thankyouverymuch.) And I don't like my rock to be message-y. Just so we're all clear.

So after we'd finished high-fiving and yelling "that's right son!" at the tv, (or maybe that was just me) we decided to watch our dvr'd Dr. Oz episodes. That's a LOT of health information homies. I should start writing this down.

I'm sorry to tell you though that Dr. Oz fell short. He was talking about PMS, yes, yes Dr. Oz, keep talking, and then about cramps that are "debilatating" and I'm all "now TESTIFY!" but then he went and said to take ibuprofin. Like it WORKS or something. Siiiiiigh. So that's when I was yelling "or you could just take VICODIN Dr. OZ!!!!" at the tv, and then The Man said "is that what you DO every month" and I'm all "do we even live in the same house" and he's all "do you have a prescription for that" and I'm "yes officer, would you like to see mah pill bottles-es?"

I mean, YOU people know that I have to pull out the heavy artillery, am I right? I guess that me scrounging for my monthly narcotics must have just gotten muddled in with all the other things I do, you know, like yelling things like "your STUPIDITY is DAILY, at least my PMS is MONTHLY!!" which, frankly, doesn't make anyone want to buy me jewelry. I know. Weird.

And then, just because my uterus was all "we're going to show Dr. OZ what debilitating MEANS!" (because my uterus is HARDCORE) I was actually in the middle of a very vivid dream where I was throwing tylenol in the trash and yelling about how it just didn't work and then I woke up to find myself in the fetal position and whimpering aloud. THANKS FATE. So I stumbled downstairs to find my *singsong voice* Vicodiiiiin, and then I actually got some sleep AND my cramps got kicked in the EYE. Win/win.

*Disclaimer* If you're not aware: if you actually HAVE pain that is high enough, you will not, in fact, experience "high" side effects. You know, because the pain killer is treating the pain. If you are, however, popping pain killers on a Tuesday morning because your coolant light came on in the car and you're out of Coffemate, well, that's a *totally* different story. (And rehab might be for you.)(Just saying.)(They have lots of therapy there *and* you don't have to cook, so really, I'm thinking for a mom it's like a vacation just for YOU.)

Aaanyway, so I'm a little sad that Dr. Oz didn't take my cramps more seriously. Then again, he's never been kicked in the kidneys for 8 straight hours. I think this would motivate someone to find better treatment. Or maybe it would just make ME feel better. Either way, get cracking Medical Community, time is wasting.

Comments, questions, what was a pain in YOUR neck lately?

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