Friday, September 10, 2010

Get a Better Line

So it's come to my attention that lately I've been hearing about tons of break-ups/divorces in which one party announces to the other that "I'm just not IN LOVE with you anymore..." and that's all she wrote.

And honestly? Even if The Man runs off to Tahiti with a blonde cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys, he'd BETTER come up with a different line. Tell me that you love me SO MUCH that you can't focus on life and it's really better to be apart than die from forgetting to breathe. You know, because my haunting beauty takes your breath away. LIE TO ME.

But don't tell me you're not in love with my anymore, because THAT, friends, is
L A M E.

I mean frankly, after witnessing any number of ignominious relationship situations, from what doctors call "OBE" (open both ends) stomach viruses (which some of us had on our Special Wedding Day) to wicked PMS, to our cheerful demeanor with yet another car breakdown, or differing ideas on child rearing, that *special* feeling fades pretty fast.

Let's face it; relationships aren't all adorable rom-com endings, now are they? And they ARE, my friends, they are WORK. Sure, sometimes things go pretty well and you look around and think "well this worked out okay" and then other times, well, you're wondering if you could use that basement storage room for storing a BODY. Just saying.

There IS NO happily ever after...

Some days the princess calls the prince a douche, and sometimes he refuses to rub her back even though she's cramping. In real life your hair isn't always blowing in the wind, and you aren't always rolling on a beach with Cris Isaac songs playing. In real life, someone ate onions on their hamburger, and someone else thinks that there is a place for country music, and the cat throws up and someone steps in it, or the baby needs to be fed and only ONE of you has working boobs.

And the grass is always greener.

If you are with the "friend" type, you miss passion. If you married the "boy/girl friend" type, you miss not hurling coffee mugs at your sig other. Potato, potahto.

So yeah, even if you were swept off your feet, you have to start walking again sometime...and it might not always be into the sunset.

And if it's ever true? Hell I'm sure it's true RIGHT NOW. I mean, I wouldn't know it, but I can only assume it's true because we've been married seven years and he's seen me with my hair attacking his face each morning, as well as wearing my UBER hot 5" thick glasses at night, and friends, well the MYSIQUE of Sammo only holds up under so much scrutiny..... But even if he ever meets the aforementioned Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, I'd BETTER not hear that it's because he fell out of love, because, well, CLEARLY.

You have to keep that spark alive somehow. Otherwise Frederick's of Hollywood would have closed years ago...well, married couples, strippers and trannies keep it alive...

Comments, questions, what do you think is the lamest line ever?


Ruby said...

Awesome post! You are so right! But I hate to point out that you missed another classic lame line - "But you are the golden one."

Sammo said...

Well see, that's why I opened it up, just in case I missed some shining gems of brilliance like that! And never forget, you ARE the golden one. ;)

Ruby said...

Ha ha! No, YOU are the golden one!