Monday, August 2, 2010

Weekend Movie Review VIII or More Cowbell

Recently, The Man and I became proud parents of a spanking new BluRay machine. I don't really know how much more awesome movies can be, unless the actors jump out and hand me popcorn, but supposedly the BluRay player is the answer.

And it's also why movies cost me close to $5 a pop now. Even though Sassy *works* in a movie rental store. Touche, BluRay.

I went in trying to get Clash of the Titans, which everyone told me would suck. Including Sassy's boss. Plus, they were out, and he told me to rent The Losers instead. He promised I would like it, and he knows such things - mainly because I whine like a toddler when I don't like a movie.

The Man wasn't impressed with my choice, but since HE picked two crap-fests in a row, he didn't get a say in this weekend's movie. And, as soon as I saw the heroes flying through some jungle to the sound of Black Betty, I was pretty sure we had a winner.

(Every time I hear Black Betty, I yell 'more cowbell' even though I'm not really sure if Black Betty has ANY cowbell - but then I googled it and all I could find were links that ALSO demanded MORE COWBELL, so clearly, the Internet agrees with me.)

Basically, I love this movie SO much that I won't even give you my standard plot summation or ANYthing. I can't ruin a single moment for you. I love you too much for that, Flying Monkeys. And this movie kicks ass. If you've had a bad day, if your kids have spilled spaghetti on the floor or your cat missed the litter box or your boyfriend forgot your birthday (again) - well THIS movie will perk you right up.

Even the villain is awesome! In fact, that's *exactly* the sort of villain I would be, if, in fact, I WERE running my own evil empire. I'd be all casually sipping coffee and then, wait, my henchman didn't put the right creamer in....where's my glock! But first, I'd patiently explain the idea of FAT-free vs, SUGAR-free. Then BAM, time for a new henchman.

During the movie, I was helpfully explaining all this to The Man, while also pretty sure that despite containing Javier Bardem, that I loved it. See, ever since that movie with the cattle-bolt gun, Javier has become my new Christopher Walken. I'm basically terrified of them. I *know* they're actors, but I'm also pretty sure they're evil in REAL LIFE. Or not. But I'm not taking chances.

But the problem is that The Losers did NOT really contain Javier Bardem at ALL, and as my one friend said - "But he doesn't look like anyone else, so who was the actor?" Well, it's a guy who looks pretty much a lot like Javier, but was not scary and evil only in a FUN way, so I totally won't be afraid of HIM.

They also showed where the scenes were taking place with stylized location names over the opening scenes; Mumbai, for instance. So I was all, OHHHH, yes, Mumbai is in India, I think, but I just confused it with DUbai, because I suck at geology. Then I laughed all over the couch and The Man just stared at me, and I was all No, I'm actually GOOD at geology, I meant geography! I'm awesome!

I'm not sure YOU will have this much fun with the movie, Monkeys, but it's totally worth a shot. And if you don't get the Journey song stuck in YOUR head for days, well, you're OBVIOUSLY a cyborg and wouldn't be reading this post ANYway. (Remember, if you ARE a cyborg, my workouts are totally progressing toward me being all Linda Hamilton one-arm-pull-up so I can take. you. down. Especially when you threaten the future by time-traveling to kill the chosen one. Or whatever.)

Comments, questions, seen any good movies lately?