Friday, August 6, 2010

Take a Look, It's In a Book...

I like books the way some people (I hear)(I'm not naming names)(why are you so nosy) like cocaine. If I don't have any good books, I get all sad and despondent and bemoan the fact that I have NO BOOKS TO READ. The good thing about books is, that unlike cocaine, I can just head to the library and wander around until I find a book I think I might like, then check it out for FREE. (If cocaine were free, we'd probably have some very efficient workers, and a lot more coronaries. Which is sort of win/win if you're in the medical business, but lose/lose if you die.)

I hear moms complain that they'd love to read a book, but with kids all up in their grills, they don't have time!

To that I say: that's what locked bathroom doors, the power of ignoring, nap-time, and lunch are all for.

I mean, if you're taking the kids to the library so they can check out the same damnable book about turtles for the 382nd time, why not find something that can take you away from all this? Exactly.

Yesterday, Monkeys, I went to the library, which I REALLY did not want to do. The kids were mad that the summer reading program (read that as book points = 5,000 silly band bracelets) was over, and I'd been picking crap-fests way too many library trips in a row.

Our local library is all fancy and computerized and you scan and check out your own books now, which sort of all but eliminates the need for people working there. Okay, don't start all sending me hate mail at once, I'm just saying at MY library, the only time I've asked for help, I've managed to find the totally illiterate workers who have NO IDEA how to use the alphabet, nor how to find the totally famous authors I've asked about. And since they're all just wandering around behind the desk while I scan my books, I'm just saying, there could be a little budget balancing going on. You're welcome, state of Indiana, I just saved you some money.

So. While I was scanning my books, the computer said "1 hold ready" - and I assumed it meant the HIGHLY FABULOUS fantasy book about talking horses that Princess had already retrieved, and written "I Hate Mom" in. (She even went back and corrected her earlier efforts, which had said "I Hat Mom" - so at least her angst is spelled correctly.)(I am SO having her use piggy bank money for that.)

But no, the hold was for ME! For ME! It was a book I'd totally forgotten I'd even reserved and I did a little happy dance in the book line. I got a weird look from the librarian. Hey, if you don't understand happy book dances, you should go and get yourself hooked on cocaine. THEN you might understand dependency AND spastic dancing. Done and done.

Actually, while I'm typing this, I'm really thinking of when I can get back to reading my book. That's sort of a theme of my life, really. I had a parent-teacher conference once in elementary, and the teacher told my dad that she was concerned because while she was talking, if I got bored, I'd read a book, and in fact, spent most of my free time reading.

Dad gave her the one-eyebrow raised bit and said, "And that's a problem?"

When I was punished as a kid, Dad would send me to my room, and always add "And I'd better not come in and find you reading your book!" The room wasn't punishment, but not being able to read was; it was cool though because I'd just memorize my page and then if I heard him coming down the hall I'd chuck the book in my laundry and (attempt to)look contrite (and fail miserably).

Turns out, so far I'm better at reading books than writing them. But remember, Julius Caesar had most of his success after age 35. The best is yet to come, Monkeys. Especially if I'm planning on conquering foreign lands, apparently.

Comments, questions, what are you reading?


Mandy said...

You're only complaining because you have experience in the library field. (flashback to 8th grade with me if you will.) We did shelve a lot of books when we weren't getting in trouble for being so loud. :D

Sammo said...

Did I shelve them properly? I tend to be lax with alphabetizing... and loud, talkative, moi???? ;)