Saturday, August 14, 2010

Have Tickets, Will Travel

Well we managed to pull it off this year, Monkeys. The Man and I are going to harness all our parental reserves, patience and bourbon and drive the darling Children of the Corn down to the one and only ::jazz hands:: Disney World!

Since The Man is a military member (which makes him a lethal weapon, like Mel Gibson BEFORE the Crazy) we qualified for Disney's special offer. It ends soon. Do it, do it if you can! (Unless you want to get in front of me at Pirates of the Caribbean, because then you can totally suck it.)

We're doing this all on a shoe-string budget, a wing and a prayer, and thanks to The Man's military benefits. Otherwise, our vacation would = being holed up in a tent somewhere, sweating and with me plotting diabolical homicide (again).

I called the military hotel to book our room and the woman was ALL BUSINESS. It was name, rank and serial number and I'm pretty sure if I'd gotten any of it wrong than she might have had me on a black ops plane across the ocean to some un-named location.

Probably a bad idea to joke about since I had kids with me on a long car ride, that all four of us might not pull through. Heh, heh....heh?

Apparently though, joking about killing your kids opens some people right up. The next thing I knew, Ms. Military was all:

"Oh wait, you're from Indiana?"
"Uh, yes?"
"Let me tell you, there is power in Bourbon."
"I'm from Kentucky and it's Bourbon and Coke. Mother's little helper!"
"Oh sure..."
"How do you think I made it across an ocean with a screaming toddler?"


Plus it's pretty sweet to stay at an all-military hotel. I can sleep with ease, knowing that if something Steven-Segal-on-a-train-crazy should break loose, pretty much everyone other than me can assess it, shoot it, report it and deal with it. And, I can randomly yell "Sergeant!" and watch how many people turn around.

Or I could walk up to someone sleeping on a pool lounge-chair and break off my best "Drop and give me 20! I love the smell of napalm in the morning!" and see if I can trigger any basic training flashbacks. Then when they're all confused, I'll be like, "That's MRS. Drill Sergeant to YOU! Get me a pina colada! Double time soldier!"

So we'll be rolling with our GPS, our kids, and now, I have to remember to add 'buy bourbon and coke' to the list, and 'remember to pack Drill Sergeant hat'.

Comments, questions, what's your favorite Disney attraction?