Friday, August 27, 2010

Griswold Family Vacation Begins Soon!

So I'm girding my mental loins for the upcoming Family Vacation (to possibly end all family vacations). Normally I don't tell The Internet when I'll be away from home, but I'm assuming that from my conspicuous absence, you all *might* just figure it out.

*Rest assured, my home is guarded by a 200 pound depressed arthritic dog, and an irate, obese and possibly homicidal cat. As well as an alarm system.*

See, normally The Man and I can't make it across town without some sort of Dire Married Argument. And well, we'll be driving about ONE THOUSAND miles. With the kids in the car. And my bladder is now only capable of holding about a shot glass worth of pee before I'm hopping around and begging for a gas station. This all bodes, very, very well.

I mean, we're pretty stocked and ready to go. DVD player with TWO screens, check. Game Boy thing that they'll hit each other with instead of share, check. Library books that we'll leave in some nameless Georgia hotel, check. Mommy's rum-and-coke in a coffee mug, check. (Despite offering, nay demanding to drive, the only shot I'll have at the Captain's seat is if I sucker punch The Man at a gas station and steal the keys.)

And I've already taken care of the end destination discussion via Parental Sit Down.

"Listen," I said. "It doesn't matter if we miss twenty rides, or stand in line for three days, if we don't meet Cinderella, PEOPLE WILL GET HURT, understand?? Meeting Cinderella is the goal here. Capice?"

Princess has also decided that she wants us to pack up her Authentic Disney Licensed Gigantic Full On Cinderella Ball Gown so she can wear it to Cinderella's Castle. The dress is about four layers thick and weighs probably ten pounds. But we'll pack it, oh yes, we'll pack it.

Casanova wants to see monster trucks, so he's going to be a little disappointed, but hopefully the pirates will make up for it. Who doesn't like pirates? Exactly.

And I, well, I just hope that there is at least a ten minute window *somewhere* in this trip to Wally World that allows for me to read a book, take a breath, and relax a bit. You know, until we have to find a Princess for Princess.

Wish me luck!

Comments, questions, au revoir!