Friday, July 16, 2010

Behind the Sam

Do you ever hear the narrator from VH1's Behind the Music in your head to accompany parts of your life?...

...

No?

Okay, must be just me. I also invent fake headlines to entertain myself.

Like: Today on the city's Northeast Side, a brilliant and beautiful stay at home mom reportedly Chuck Norris-ed a door-to-door salesman, saying "I'm sick of them banging on my door at dinner time."

And as for the narration, sometimes I'll do a whole scene of my mental "Behind the Sam" - like have a maudlin black-and-white picture of me and the narrator is all "but things weren't going well when Sam hit her 30s, she began to suffer migraines as well as a nagging feeling she hadn't fulfilled her dreams..."

I know. I'm specialed.

Then other times, I think that I'd like to inspire a song, you know, like that horrible whiny un-requited love thing "Delilah" song? And what made me think of that, you ask, because YOU KNOW I am NOT listening to that sort of frivolity. I'll tell you, damnable VH1 again - and their addictive "We love whatever-the-hell-decade" and I really only catch it when I'm folding clothes in my bedroom and only so I can laugh at the comics making fun of the topic ANYWAY.

So they covered the Delilah song and who wrote it and why and this girl he'd met ONE STINKING TIME (ps and had a boyfriend so songwriter homie had NO SHOT) inspired all that jazz - and is the reason that time and again I'd start randomly shouting Pink Floyd lyrics just so Delilah wouldn't be in my head for cursed hours....

But the problem? I'll tell you. Shhhhh.... I'm not the kind of girl who would inspire a 'Delilah' soft ballad.

I know. The shame, it burns us all.

I'm the kind of girl....ohhhh....who would inspire a "Into the Fire" song. You know, "Devon/won't go to heaven/she's just another lost soul/never to be mine again." (Or maybe a Five Finger Death Punch song. (Let's face it, songwriter leadsinger has MAD Relationship Issues.)

Maybe the Five Finger song with the lyrics "As wicked as you are/you're beautiful to me/You're the darkest burning star/You're my perfect disease."

Or maybe the one called "Walk Away" where he's urging her to leave because she really just sucks and makes him want to punch her face a little, but, despite being a singer in a band seemingly ALL ABOUT punching, he isn't actually a lady-beater, so he'd rather just tell HER to leave because HE can't actually commit to leaving and so he's all 'thou protesteth too much' and such.

Then again, I could inspire a Pantera "This Love" type song where he's all "In my life/all I wanted/was the keeping of someone like you/but you made me so unhappy/I take my life/and leave love with you."

Maybe this weekend The Man's homework will be: Write Me a Love Song

Or not.

Comments, questions, what's playing in YOUR head?

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