Wednesday, June 23, 2010

My Skill Set

I took a break from People of WalMart.com (and parenting) just to post here, so I hope you alllllll appreciate it!

Today is a sucky day, Friends, and I'll tell you why. My water heater is having personal issues and The Man is all irate about how he doesn't have time to fix it right now. Excuse me? You don't have...time? Well guess what! I don't have TIME to freeze my lady bits off in the shower while I shave at Mach 1 and give myself 452 tiny cuts and get conditioner in my EYE. That's what *I* don't have time for, sir.

And one of Sammo's Life Rules (Life Rule #291 to be specific) is the following: if you're handy and know HOW to do something, you do it for FREE and you don't pay some other dipwad to do it for you. Because you know how.

See, if *I* knew how to change a car's oil, or rotate its tires, or massage its transmission (or whatever one does to a car's transmission), I would do it! Happily! Because I'm allllll about saving the money.

Like yesterday? I utilized my Super Awesome Phone Skills and switched satellite tv providers. And I saved us a whopping $50 a month, which I plan to spend at Payless, because you *could* pay more, but why??? WHY!? So yeah, I used my awesome ability to read and talk and analyze and stuff and saved us some MONEY - not to mention got a discount for my MOM while I was at it, oh and a second tivo for upstairs. So yeah. Let's see you try THAT, The Man.

But water heater fixing? That's not really in my skill set. But it might be. Because see, I REALLY like hot water. I like being able to wash ALL the shampoo from my hair and shave my legs without avoiding the freezing polar water and crying. And I REALLY don't like giving someone a huge chunk of my bank account to fix this problem - especially when I KNOW that The Man could do it blindfolded, with a pipe wrench in his teeth, and one arm duct taped to his butt. In fact, I might see if I can get him to do it that way, then video it for my blog. Hmmmm.

I've read about it. It doesn't sound that hard, except for the "water heaters can weigh close to 200 pounds" part - because I am pretty sure I'd end up crushing myself to death in our laundry room if I tried to move it. Way to go, The Man, you just ended up killing me with your "time" problems. And you'll have to explain to your next wife that I was trying to change the water heater and was crushed to death and when she's all "but why? Because you could surely do it!" you'll have to tell her I died in vain because you didn't have the time. It's really depressing when you think about it.

After all the time I spent on hold to order our new satellite! And you'll be thanking me when you use your second tivo.

If anyone needs me, I'll be figuring out what a pipe wrench is...

Comments, questions, can you lift my water heater?

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