Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Maid Shall be Fired

As you know, I live a very active fantasy life, because my real life is full of violent small children with DEMANDS. Like food. And help with Leggos.

Since I'm pretty much what you'd get if you combined Dita Von Teese (for sassy fabulousness), Janet Evanovich (for humorous published fiction), Sylvia Plath (for dark edgy angst) and the lead singer of Disturbed (just because he rocks), I am very upset when my Overall Awesome Fantasy Life is ruined by the maid's slacking.

See: This

+ This

+ This

+ This

= This

I know, it SEEMS very complicated, like trigonometry or something, but really it's very simple. (And every time you see a bald rock star with piercings, you're totally going to think of me. You're welcome. And remember, there is NOTHING that band does that won't rock your face right off. Same as I will, homies.)

So ANYway. Yes. The maid. She's really quite terrible. I had to MOP my own floor today. And scrub my very own bathroom. I was very resentful. Especially since the maid was off chain smoking-Russian cigarettes on my deck and talking to her sister long distance on MY phone! The nerve.

But someone had to mop and clean, so I gave it the old college try. And now my hands are all dry and I'm sweaty and irritable. Thanks for NOTHING imaginary immigrant maid! You won't be receiving a bonus this Christmas, that's for sure.

The other thing. Children are dirty. The trim and walls were suspiciously *dirtier* in the area that was about kid-height. I guess I should blame my lazy nanny for that. I'll be docking her pay, right after firing the maid.

Comments, questions, do you have good help?