Friday, June 4, 2010

It's Totally Not my Fault

Disclaimer: You'll have to take this with a grain of salt, friends, especially if you've ever A. read this blog or B. heard me talk in real life; however, because we're biffs, I trust you to go with me on this...

It's not really *my* fault that Cassanova (along with pointing out the "pretty girls" of the world) swears. Often. In public. In private. At us.

I know this because I read Conclusive Child-Rearing Books that say so. I mean, they don't tell me it's not my fault, I extrapolate that because they *do* tell me it's the SAME-GENDER parent whom the child will mimic.

And I'm not a dude. Get it? It's notmyfault.

I'm not saying, exactly, that it's The Man's fault. All I'm saying is that kids mimic their same-gender parent, I'm not a dude, and Cassanova swears. That's alllll I'm saying.

Disclaimer aside, and if you're related to me, or might in fact hold this against me or even The Man, please stop reading and go off and have a nice glass of lemonade and pretend we never had this conversation about children and swearing because I'm a People Pleaser and I really don't need reasons to take Buspar want to feel guilty when we meet up for the Fourth or Thanksgiving and you're waiting to see if my wee pre-schooler drops some bombs during dessert.

The other day we were going through our normal morning routine. Cassanova had come upstairs to watch his Daily Dose of Dora, when he realized Dora wasn't on. That was bad. Dora is all that is good and pure and bilingual in the world. Max and Ruby was on. Max and Ruby compared to Dora is like Kesha compared to Lady Gaga. Not really in the same league, and certainly not comparable.

I didn't realize the level of his ire until I heard his precious little voice mutter, half under his breath...

"Fuck Max and Ruby. I hate this!"

Oh YES he did. I waited out my shocked laughter and told him I like NICE words and that word isn't nice.

He said, "Sorry, Mommy."

I mean, it's WRONG for a pre-schooler to talk that way. And yet....I really don't like Max and Ruby either. I'm just saying. Max really needs to be evaluated, and his parents are never home, and his sister really doesn't have the maturity to watch him all day while the absentee bunny parents are out working. Not to mention they don't ever have any interesting adventures, nor jokes that parents can laugh at privately (a la Spongebob).

Screw Max and Ruby indeed. At least Dora teaches us helpful Spanish phrases, which my daughter in turn used to communicate with the Hispanic kids at the park recently!

True story: My kids were going down the slide when I heard Princess begin to shout "Avaho! Avaho means down! Aveho up, avaho down!" Then she ran over and told me that the Hispanic girl on the slide had said the Spanish word for down, that Princess had learned from Dora. Then Princess became irate that I didn't know any other good Spanish words, let alone entire phrases in Spanish, and (once again) I had to defend taking French for five years.

C'est la vie, mes amis.

Comments, questions, comment t'allez vous?