Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Who am I, Again?

It's been a rough couple of days, Readers, mainly due to the PMS weather medication crazy Life Decisions floating around the Sammo Esq. Hacienda. (I always feel bad when I don't do the html for the accents....any idea? Eh? I'm very precise, you know.)

Don't get me wrong - they're all mostly POSITIVE choices. Opportunities for The Man, which school Princess of the Genius Tribe will attend; but they're all Life Decisions. (And between you and me? Your Favorite Writer gets a weeeeee stressed out about Life Decisions.)(I'm not terribly decisive.)( I vacillate like it's my JOB.)

And then one thought leads to another thought, and I usually end up in the same place(s).

1. Vacuuming
2. Drowning out the sound of my screaming with my mp3 player
3. Bitching on the phone
4. Staring lovingly at my freezer and wondering exactly how early Daiquiri Time might be
5. Wondering when the *HELL* I'm going to do something for myself instead of for The Man and the Children of the Corn.

If I talk to my mom, self-proclaimed Best Grandma in the World (for anyone wondering), she'll tell me that she remembers counting down days like she had been in prison - since she had been a stay-at-home-mom too. (Thanks mom.) And then she'll regale me with "The Time I Broke Down Sobbing at the Grocery" - which oddly enough was followed by her return to the work force. Hmmmm.

Granted, this was back in Ye Olde Days Before Unlimited Long Distance, Cell Phones, and The Internet. So Mom either chatted with random Grocery Strangers, or neighbors, or she worked on hollowing out the dry wall for her escape tunnel.

*Any* stay-at-home mom has those thoughts and those days. You are outnumbered. You are surrounded. The cavalry isn't coming until after 5 pm, *if* at all. And WHEN the cavalry arrives, it's not with fresh supplies and ammunition; it's usually with a grumpy attitude, gripes about traffic and questions totally deserving of face-punching, like "So, what did you DO all day?!"

I don't know if I've mentioned this before at least 100 times (I totally got props from Slash)(which was rock) but I worked at a daycare. In a state not known for awesome child care. It was a (James Earl Jones voice) Learning Experience. I didn't want my kids in one. You can put your kids anywhere you want, the basement in the storage closet comes to mind, but being the Type A Control Nut I am, it just wasn't for me. No judgment, we're all friends here. And lest we forget, I also made this decision when Princess was still in the Glory Days of Severe Colic: *I* wanted to send her off to distant relatives until she was 20, so what would a stranger listening to hours of screaming do? Yeahhhhh....

Anyway, I'm in it to win it, go big or go home, whatever, but there are days, oh ye GODS there are days....

When I want to run off into the sunset with my trusty vacuum in one hand and blender in the other...

When I can't hear "MOMMY!" one. more. time.

When I'm ready for someone else to captain this ship.

And lately, it's been a few of those days right in a row, plus the Looming Life Decisions and it's been a bit more than some Banana-Flavored Rum and 8 pm bedtime can handle.

Which sucks. Because largely (and despite a crack-pot octogenarian psychic telling me I'm an 'old soul') I really approach life with a lot of optimism and amusement and happy-happy. I get mad about BEING mad! Or stressed.

I want a bit of Sammo back. I want some ME TIME. I want these bleeding Life Decisions decided so I can put the Buspar back in the medicine chest.

And hell, there's always the concert this weekend. NO KIDS ALLOWED. At least three bands that will rock my face off. And I'm taking a slurpee cup full of daiquiri; because really, if my friends in the bad old days could sneak their one-hitters in, hidden in their underwear, how hard can this be?

I am looking for some fun, something to get rid of this frown. And I'll find it. With or without my vacuum.

Comments, questions, are you marking time?

0 comments: