Thursday, May 20, 2010

Well, Hello Officer

Yesterday, I was doing as I do and driving the Children of the Corn around whilst running important errands (see also: buying picture frames at the Dollar Store, and supporting my local WalGreens with more meds for my ASS-ma) when I stopped at a stop sign. Behind an Officer of the Law.

First off, I thought about turning right, but then I was all, no I think I have to go left, so I did a stupid angled stop behind him - almost like I didn't know what I was doing....which I didn't. Then, Princess began to loudly question where we were going and why we were going and why we weren't going back to purchase A BALLOON RIGHTNOW because she clearly saw them at the Dollar Store! I waved my hand like "what do you want from me?!" and explained that no, we were not turning around to get a balloon.

Well, all the cop in front of me saw was me throwing up my hand in the International Driver Sign Language for WTF Yo? So he threw up HIS hand like, WHAT what lady?! And then he jetted left like I'd spat upon his squad car.

Your Favorite Writer decided to turn right, just in case Officer Friendly was having a REALLY bad day and wanted to check my brake lights, turn signals or if I'd been drinking (again).

Whew. Dodged a bullet there my friends.

So let this be a lesson: do NOT wildly gesticulate to your children when a cop is in front of you. Or hold your 40 oz. at window level. It's just a good habit really.

(Note: I am totally being facetious about drinking and driving, because everyone knows I don't really drink (often) and never when I'm driving and I'd punch anyone *actually* drinking and driving in the eye hole. So send your hate mail to the recently-booted-from-my-subdivision-Chester-the-Molester. (True Story!))

Comments, questions, will you write me a ticket?