Friday, April 9, 2010

Rebound Headaches and Other Things

Note: I actually wrote this a few days ago, so don't get all "what DAY is it? She's LYING to US!" on me. Simmer down. It's allll okayyyy.

Ever have a day when you think to yourself....If I have to hear another flippin' verse of whatever the creatures on Yo Gabba Gabba are singing (and PS it went a little sumthin' like this: razzle dazzle, glitter hands, glitter hands! whatever THAT means) I might not be able to stop myself from swinging a baseball bat into the television? Hmmmmm? Ever think that?

Well guess what Internet Bffs, *I* have. And today is one such day. First off, I'm coming down from my Monthly Mandatory Pain Medication, which gives me a guaranteed *vicious* headache the next day. Guaranteed. And that headache is UNKILLABLE by any standards. So I might be a wee bit touchy. And light sensitive.

And then Sassy has been projectile vomiting all day. She texts me for ice chips and/or Saltines, which I then take to the basement, and hurl at her before leaving her in a cloud of vanilla-scented Lysol. I have much love for Sassy. I have NO LOVE AT ALL for what we call, in Cassa de Sammo, "the poop disease." I don't know. I just blurted that out one day when my kids were tiny tots. Someone had diarrhea and I announced that it was the poop disease. It sort of stuck. I have friends now who use the term, so yeah, you're welcome.

So Sassy is busy with the poop disease (or alternately called "the funk-funk") and Princess just started having what I like to call Warning Signs that I'll be Up at 2 am. Sigh. I mean really. Can't they save this crap for a nice, boring Tuesday? Come on already! It's FRIDAY!

Don't worry though, the barf bucket is on stand by.

It's not like I could enjoy a frothy icy daiquiri with whipped cream ANYway, courtesy of my bitching-pounding-blinding headache. And DJ Lance won't STFU, yo, so I'm about ready to take that man DOWN.

Highnote of the day? I braved the super-crowded-insane-shopping area and got a patio umbrella for ONLY $47!!! I know!!! Try and find one cheaper because yeah, you can't. Not even on craigslist. That's right, I said it.

Backyard Oasis Project: one umbrella down, 492 other purchases to go. It should be ready sometime before....November.

And although my head is pounding like the drummer in Five Finger Death Punch, and I may be losing some vision in my twitchy left eye, at least I hear Yo Gabba Gabba wrapping it up. And if Princess needs the bucket in the middle of the night, I'm calling in some favors with a nice man I like to call "Daddy" - or He Who Did Not Breastfeed Anyone at Night Ever. That's right Big Daddy, THOSE chickens are coming home to roost. Because while I was the Lady on Call during that first year? ANYone can haul a barf bucket to the bathroom. Even you. While I sleep. Aw yeah.

And suddenly I feel a bit....lighter.

Comments, questions, yo gabba whatever?


Aunt Becky said...

I need a backyard umbrella that doesn't look like hot ass. I mean it. Most of them are so ass ugly that I get itchy just thinking about it. WTF? Why are they all so ugly, dude?

Sammo said...

I don't know! They're all sorts of crazy patterns and weird neutrals. And then they fade to be EVEN UGLIER. You buy 'brick red' - by July you have 'faded pink.' Or a pattern that looks like a bird shit mosaic. Special!