Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Empire Strikes Back

I'm baaaaack! After the Computer Virus Calamity of 2010 (PS: Did you NOTICE I finally mastered the linky-text thing??? I'm on FIRE!) I downloaded all sorts of blockers, firewalls, scanners and death rays. I didn't have to reach my bff in California because while I was in 'safe mode' I emailed my maid-of-honor who ALSO happens to live with a code-writing-evil-genius. (Seriously, my friends must really dig the techie guys, am I right?) Aaaaanyway, between about a hundred emails between me, her and her fiancee, I *finally* was able to defeat The Virus.

Why did it take me the entire day? I'll tell you why. I don't follow directions. It went something like this:

Me: Well I'm running Firefox and I didn't have to do the Internet Explorer step.
Her: I'll ask why it isn't finding the virus.
Her: Okay, try to do the Explorer step with the proxy server.
Me: Sidenote: the malware program can't update! WTF? Is it because of the Explorer step?
Her: He said to try the IE fix in case it needs that to update.
Me: Okay, I'll let you know.
(about 20 minutes later)
Me: HEY! Why didn't I listen to you? I did that step and it updated and then found FOUR bad evil file thingies!
Her: LOL. I'm glad it found them!

Yeahhhhhh. I have discussed this with some of my friends. MOST women are really good at following directions and yell at their husbands for just trying to figure stuff out without the directions. I can follow directions, I just usually DON'T. I'm pretty sure I'd be the renegade winging it in a disaster movie. I'd be yelling "We don't have TIME, hop on!" and then we'd outrun a meteor on a home-made motorcycle that we'd pieced together McGyver style from lawnmower parts and a tricycle.

Obviously, in real life, my strategy usually ends up pissing me off more than helping. Like yesterday. If I'd done Step Two (the IE step) the first time, I would have killed the virus about, say, six hours sooner. Sigh.

I just don't have patience Internet. Me and Guns-n-Roses. All we need is a little patience, yeah yeahhhhhhh. Just a little patience.

What's really important here is that with a little help from my friends, I kicked that virus' ass. Damn, you just shot Marvin in the face! (Okay, that has no relevance, but I really, really like that line.)

Comments, questions, do you have a little patience?