Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Cat Scratch Fever on Grocery Day

Normally I try to be sort of rather coherent and cohesive and codependent (okay not really but I was working a theme) in my posts. Today is not such a day. Today is Random Crap Day! Woo Hoo! You can't see me, but I'm totally working out some dance moves. It's pretty hardcore.

I am cursing my cat, for one. If you've forgotten my Super Fat Cat, here's a picture.



Isn't he majestic? (PS - How do you like the Retina-Scorching Teal that the Green People painted? Eh? Ehhh? It's now gone, so don't worry. Our retinas are healing just fine.)

What you don't know though, is that this lovely feline is really thinking: "If you take my picture again, I will cut you." Just like he did my hand. So now when I type, my hand hurts. See, the other night, he was busy snoozing away on the arm of my couch and I innocently touched his back foot. Wellllll, kitties don't LIKE that, and so he waited for his opportunity. I got up to go to bed and SHAZZAM! he clawed my hand like a furry sleeping Shaolin WARRIOR! I was all, "hey asshat, that hurt." But he just closed his eyes and was all, "that's what you GET for touching my back foot!"

Turd.

So now it's red and angry and I'm pretty sure after 30+ years of being clawed by cranky cats, that I finally have an infected cat scratch.

Cue the Ted Nugent. Ugh.

I'll keep you posted, but I just don't know if the Neosporin will get the job done this time.

And to further my ire, today is not ONLY Work-Out Day, but it's also Grocery Day - retch, barf, ugh. So somehow I have to tear out my coupons, hit my bike, watch Dr. Oz so I can worry I have lupus, lift weights, take a shower, get to the store, get home and do it all by 11. Can it be done? Yes. How? Because I plan every outing with military-like precision, that's how.

My cat will never even see me coming.

Comments, questions, have any coupons?

2 comments:

Katie said...

I just wanted to say that that is a rather nice photo of Mr. Moose ;)

Sammo said...

Be sure to show Molly!