Sunday, February 21, 2010

Weekend Movie Review V, or, Why I Fear Zombies

Stop the applause, it's time for another Weekend Movie Review! I've been totally slacking, I admit it - but what with being an alternate Winter Olympic judge (no, not really) I've had to watch all the skiing and bobsledding and such. (See also: things I should never attempt.)

This weekend we managed to watch a semi-new release: Zombieland. And on a 5-tainted jello shot scale with 5 being the worst (as in put that movie out of my misery) or a 1-jello shot of a-little-poison-never-hurt-anything, I give it 2 jello shots. It was pretty good, minus the gore (which I loathe) but then again, they were zombies and EVERYone knows zombies are cannibals, soooo.....

The movie was set up with a nerdy narrator who had managed to survive the Zombie Virus Outbreak. He met up with Woody Harrelson who is a semi-deranged but very amusing zombie killer extraordinaire, (and really, I would prefer someone like that around if I'm fighting zombies). There was also a pair of sisters who had survived the Zombie aftermath using their skill as con artists, and they did a nice job of adding some depth to the movie.

Throughout the movie, the narrator describes his list of Zombieland survival rules, such as rule 1, Cardio. Zombies chase you and you have to be in shape. Thus, I'm already screwed. I can't run for sheeee-it and I doubt a zombie will let me stop to take a breather, or dig through my purse for my expired inhaler. Another rule? Beware of Bathrooms - apparently zombies like to lurk in restrooms to attack non-zombies. Now I'm doubly screwed if this ever Comes to Pass; I would totally have to stock up on Depends or find an unused Winnebago. I am pretty sure if I had a potty break I could NOT fight zombies at the same time.

It was a more light-hearted version of the whole I Am Legend concept, but I think I mentioned how well THAT movie went down for Your Favorite Writer. I babbled to The Man all about my Zombie Virus Contingency Plan. I mean, there ARE crazy viruses out there and theoretically, could a virus turn you into a zombie/cannibal? I. don't. know! I was busy taking Advanced Pastoral Poetry or some crap while someone else was busy doing lab in Level 400 Virulent Pathogens, so you tell me. Could that happen??!?! On second thought, don't tell me and I'll just work on my Zombie Virus Survival Plans annnyyyywayyyy....just in case.

I don't want to share TOO much of my Contingency Plan, but it may or may not involve remote locations and/or a bunker. You definitely don't want to be in a city during a Zombie outbreak, I mean, dense population = BAD things.

Either way, I should work on my cardio. And lucky for me? Today is workout Monday.

Comments, questions, do you dig Zombies? (Other than ROB Zombie, because let's face it, Living Dead Girl pretty much rocks.)

0 comments: