Thursday, February 25, 2010

Stupid is as it Does, or Maybe it's Just Me

Today is stupid. Yes, the entire day. Almost everything that has happened to me today is totally stupid. It could be because *I* am stupid. At this point I'm willing to concede it's a possibility, then again, it's probably just the universe.

My kid yelled at the nice deli lady. Again. He cannot ABIDE her cutting our deli meat. I'm not sure if he thinks we should just buy the ENTIRE salami roll, or what.

My dog dry heaved and coughed up slobbery spit about 20 times. He sounded like a wounded camel. I'm pretty sure that's what one would sound like. Wound a camel and let me know if it sounds like a huge dog dry heaving, and then we'll know for sure.

My carpet steam cleaner died last night. See above.

My son is perfecting his aim by peeing on toys and the carpet. See above. You can't stop him. He's like a total cat burgler, except he's not silently robbing, he's silently peeing.

My bedazzled jeans that Sassy gave me aren't fitting. They were loose. I blame the dryer. Or the kettle cooked chips. You pick. (Pick the dryer.)

The Man broke FOUR of his TEETH by grinding them in his sleep. I told him for a few months that it's a wonder he even wakes up WITH teeth left, but he didn't believe me until today. Aaaaand now we're buying dental devices. Expensive AND scary. What a two-fer!

I'm making manwich for dinner and I can't get the Zombieland scene out of my head when our heroes see a zombie in the road eating a guy and Woody Harrelson says "that woman's enjoying her MANWICH." I'm sure this says something DEEPLY DISTURBING about my personality. And I don't care.

Today is stupid and it's just getting stupider. I smell pee. I'm going to make my manwich.

Comments, questions, fix my steam cleaner and buy me new pants!