Thursday, February 11, 2010

Song of the Camel

Today parents, I'm talking to you. Are you listening, hmmmmm? Put down that Krispy Creme (oh that sounds good) and pay attention!

Alright. I'm going to let you in on a secret. The internet is dangerous! There are all SORTS of things out there, you know who I'm talking about You Tube, that are weird, creepy, nasty or just....well, definitely NOT what you want your kid seeing. I mean, if YOU want to google naked leprechaun porn, THAT is totally your business. But parents, man, we ALL need to pay attention!

Case in point? Why certainly!

My 5 year old (Princess) is starting to read. She's been sounding out short words since she was 4-ish and that's all good, but she can't read everything yet. I have bookmarked "kid friendly" websites. Princess can click to Nick Jr, Disney, PBS kids - all sorts of wholesome, friendly, non-naked-leprechaun sites, right, RIGHT?

Somehow, my genius daughter realized she could google things. Mmmm hmmm. So she brought her various books next to the computer, and painstakingly typed out animal names or characters into the google box. I'm sure you can get the idea of it. You KNOW that google will show you WHATEVER it damn well pleases.

So thus, earlier this week, I had THIS conversation (and it could have been worse. Really.)

Princess (singing): Camel toe.....CAMEL toeeee.......
Me: WHAT are you singing???
Princess: It's a song Mommy, it's just about camels and their TOES. (clearly I'm an idiot. It's obvious right?)
Me: Uh, no it's NOT, actually. It's sort of another word for a pee-pee. Where did you hear that?
Princess: On You Tube.
Me: I am SO blocking that!

Worse than the camel-toe song you ask? Well, before that she found a Dora video. All I saw (because I do check on her and what she's viewing) was Dora. Dora is Dora, right? Singing, dancing let's find the obvious-right-in-front-of-you destination? Yeah, until some genius makes a video in which Dora SHOOTS and KILLS Swiper.

I mean, don't get me wrong, Swiper is an ass. And he's stupid. If I were trying to steal shit, and I had my own "Sam's-stealing-shit" theme song, I'd assume I would probably get busted. Then again, I'm not a blue weasel, so whatever. Regardless, I don't think it's cool for Dora to pull out her piece and cap Swiper. NOT cool. (If ANYone is getting capped, it should be DJ Lance, or that dancing thing that looks like a french tickler. Seriously, that thing is totally ribbed for her pleasure. See? I wasn't kidding.)

Anyhoooooo, I talked her down and I've changed some settings and I am pretty sure the internet is once again sort of safe for my kiddo. The question is, is the internet safe from ME?

You hear that internet? I can't afford more therapy! Therapy is for MOMMY in this house. I will totally kick your ass. You've been warned.

Comments, questions, ban any good sites lately?


ninjamom79 said...

Ok just for the record, although I agree with you on the whole internet thing, I could not help but crack up laughing. I will def look out for the Dora videos for Kenna. Little Miss Obsessed does not need to see that action.

Sammo said...

I thought I had some time before I had to watch out for the internet. Nope. Keep an eye out! lol.