Saturday, February 13, 2010

My Life is Just Like TV....

Only with less money and less bronzer.

Yesterday, to celebrate Valentine's Day, we kidnapped talked Grandma into sitting and fled left on a full-day adventure.

I should mention that because I'm Queen of "Sure I Can Cram 1,000 Things Into One Day" I agreed to a hell-filled hour circuit training class at the local Y with my bff. I was feeling all in-shape and pretty proud of my semi-firm arms, until about 30 minutes in, when I felt all 400-lbs-on-Biggest-Loser-with-Jillian-reaming-my-ass. I am STILL feeling sick. Seriously. My body just is NOT used to working that hard, that long, in ANY capacity. Pride goes before the fall and all that, except in this case, it went before a collapse wearing "shackles." (How can ANY exercise involving anything called SHACKLES not raise immediate warning flags???)

So I got home and showered and got all ready to go, then The Man and I were off. Now, if you watched the V-day episode of The Middle, the couple is *finally* away from their kids and they spend 30 minutes fighting in the car and yelling about where to eat. Since we drove to our RIDICULOUS local shopping center (that was jam-packed with cars like someone was throwing money out the windows), there was plennnnnty of yelling. About...

Cars that wouldn't go.

Cars that cut us off.

Cars that tailgated us while we were tailgating other cars.

Cars that we cut off because it wasn't their turn.

We at least agreed on where to eat. Good! Score! I had a tasty chicken picatta (hey, no need to undo the effects of all the circuitry goodness) and he had some nicely undone beef. All I could think about was Dr. Oz lecturing me on parasites. Tapeworms, pin worms, round worms. Send it back, I told The Man, send it back. Nothing says romance like tapeworms.

Then we left to go play video games at Dave & Busters. We had a coupon. I owned his ass at air hockey. THAT will teach someone to talk trash to someone who grew up with a regulation size air hockey table in the garage! OhyesIdid. Besides, I never get to do my "I won" dance for anything at HOME.

Today is ACTUALLY Valentine's Day, and I think I said it best when I said...."You know, even when I think you're a huge douche, which is a lot of the time, I still think you're hot."

Feel free to put that in YOUR V-day card. I won't copyright it or anything.

Other side notes, or as I like to call them, Proof that I have NO Attention-Span:

* I am pretty sure I'm pathetically out of shape. Turns out that lifting weights does shit all for your cardio. I damn near stroked myself out yesterday, and collapsed in a pile of 30+ year old ashtmatic glory. I hurt a lot in sad muscles that have never seen the light of a dumb-bell. And won't. I'm taking tomorrow OFF no matter HOW much The Man lectures me about my lactic acid. EAT lactic acid, The Man. (I still think you're hot, even when I tell you to eat lactic acid.)

* I have a total new respect for The Barfers on Biggest Loser. I have never thrown up during any sort of work out, but yesterday, I got pukey feeling AND a little light headed. I now extend my sympathy to anyone Jillian yells at until they barf. I also ate wayyyy too many sympathy kettle-cooked chips today. Damn.

* I can't watch any more Winter Olympics today. I'm getting too proficient at scoring. They might want me to start judging and I really don't have time for that.

* In honor of Valentine's Day, I broke out the bright red maternity sweat pants. Awwwww yeahhhhhh. The Man already mocked them, just because they might have been covered in chip crumbs. Shut UP already, The Man. These pants ROCK. And they're RED. Because I have holiday spirit, yes I do, I have holiday spirit, how about YOU?

Comments, questions, did you have a special love day?

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