Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I Rock the Party that Rocks the Party

As the feet of snow gently falls outside my house, burying us all inside, along with our fondest dreams of wearing our cute capris and sandals any time before the second coming, my family has discovered a joyous past-time that brings us all together in love and harmony.

By family, I mean Princess.

By harmony, I mean me attempting to keep my microphone icon on the yellow line.

By past-time, of course, I mean Rock Band (the game).

Princess has decided that she wants to bang it like Lars, because she's all "I'm On Drums Yo" - which, since she's 5, means that Mommy has to handle vocals AND half the drums. Laugh if you want, but I DARE you to make it through Black Hole Sun doing both.

Daddy, on the other hand, just runs around behind the coffee table, secretly taping my singing on his Blackberry so he can play it later and make me flee from the kitchen in shame. We equip The Destroyer with a wireless guitar that isn't activated, so he feels like he's doing something, but actually not. Sort of like my mad vocal skills.

Such is the problem with life: I love music. I love lyrics. I am pretty sure I could have been an awesome front woman for a band. I think up band names in my spare time (what, like you don't?).

And I can't sing my way out of a wet paper bag. No, no, don't rush to offer sympathy and "suuuuure you can!" because I know you're lying. I know. And it's okay. I've accepted it. (If I hadn't, I'm pretty sure The Man chasing me around with his Blackberry while doing an abominable Simon Cowell impression would have cured me.)

Amy Lee and I will never hang before a set. It sucks, because we could have started a killer NEW band, I just *know* it, but it's....okay. Such is life.

It's also why someone (wayyyyy smarter than I am) invented Rock Band. EVERYONE wants to be a rock star. That's why someone ELSE (still also smarter than I am) invented an energy drink called Rockstar. If we can't really be one, we'll play pretend and we'll DRINK one. It's the American Way dammit.

I can always GO to concerts, I just can't PERFORM in them. I mean, I caught a drumstick once from a local band. And in a parade (have I already mentioned this? I mean, it's pretty awesome so I don't care) but I was front row and Slash pointed at me and gave me a big thumbs up. That's right, I said SLASH.

He could just tell that I rock. (Shut up.)

If you need me, I'll be working on my vocals - Princess needs someone to help her get through some Courtney Love, which, ironically, I can TOTALLY do.

Comments, questions, what did you name your band?