Monday, February 8, 2010

The Aftermath

I am, and prepare to be shocked here people, a sore loser. I know! You totally would think I'm all "oh well there's always next season" and "hey it's how you PLAY the game" and the ever popular "there's no I in team!"

And you'd be very, very wrong.

The reasons you'd be wrong are many, and probably highly complex much the way I like my salads, but be that all as it may (what were we talking about?) I am a TOTAL SORE LOSER.

Here's the thing. My team lost the Superbowl. That's right. Lost it. HARD. I'm talking, interception-thrown-for-a-touchdown hard. I'm talking Peyton Manning couldn't harness his infamous "laser rocket arm" hard. I'm talking I had to sit through a Who MEDLEY hard.

You've probably already deduced I'm talking about the Indianapolis Colts. Because....drum roll....I live in Indianapolis. I know, I know. I've been all cloak-and-dagger, mysterious mystery about it, but that's the truth. Indianapolis. Indy. Naptown. The Circle City. Aaaaaand I'm out of nicknames. You want to stalk me? Fine. You deal with The Man and the Giant Dog. I'm not really stalk-worthy anyhow. Go stalk someone who DROPPED a really IMPORTANT ball in the SUPERBOWL. I mean, if I were making suggestions....

See? Sore loser.

Should I be happy about the Saints? I mean, I guess I should. Technically. See though, I used to HATE football. I used to piss and moan and whine about having to watch it because it didn't make sense to me and they all just ran around and fell down and whatwasthepoint??? But I'm like one of those non-smokers-who-used-to-smoke. WORST kind, and you know it. My mom used to smoke when she was a teenager. Light up around her now though, and you'll find out if you can suck smoke through your pooper.

I'm a reformed football fan. And I take losing HARD. Did I mention watching a Who medley hard? Yeah. The Man took football and patiently explained it to me and once I GOT that it was a controlled veritable SYMPHONY of violence and brute power.....ohhhh the sweet, unbridled JOY of it all! And then, to see a Superbowl run, AGAIN! Oh I would enjoy THIS win! Last time, I'd been all angry and nursing a tiny whiny baby and it just was NOT the same....

And then. They lost.

Lost. Lost. Lost.

Was Drew Brees that good or did we suddenly turn that bad? It's like at half time my team went in and said "you know, playing well and winning just isn't working for us, let's turn this thing around" and they just SUCKED HARD the whole second half.

Dirty stupid stupid Saints. Oooooh, you're all a heart-felt feel-good story? Well let me tell you something, New Orleans, YOU get Mardi Gras, yeah, EVERY year. YOU have famous writers and movie stars who WANT to live there. YOU have awesome flowers and cool cemeteries and, uh, those crawdad thingies that look like freaking giant bugs....

What does Indy have? I'll tell you. Well. It's COLD here. Dropping-digits-frostbite cold. Um, we DO have a circle in the city. I usually end up pissed off because I turn down the wrong way and have to go around again to find my street. That's fun. We have some talented homeless guy who plays the sax under the bridge, I saw him last week. We have WAY overpriced carriage rides if you're interested. We have a mall that usually boasts at LEAST one shoot out per summer. We don't even HAVE a cool nickname! Seriously!

Chicago? The Windy City. New York? The City that Never Sleeps. New Orleans? The Big Easy (or the Big Sleazy but either way, it's catchy) Indianapolis? *crickets*

So really, a Superbowl win would have pretty much rocked my week. I know, it's all about me. Well yes, being a SORE LOSER makes that work out nicely.

Thanks a LOT New Orleans.

Comments, questions, shut yo' mouth if you like the Saints.