Monday, January 18, 2010

Render unto Sammo that which is Sammo's

I am taking a break from doing Responsible Adult Things to write to you dearest reader hearts! For instance, I just jotted down some Important Phone Numbers, like County Tax Assessor and Auditor, because I am pretty sure someone at my mortgage company was busy Smoking the Ganj and didn't bother themselves with petty things, like paying my property taxes. Either that, or they were doing keg stands and didn't have time to look up my info properly when I called, but who cares because Mommy now has to bother her pretty little head with calling Tax Officials. I think we can all agree, calling Tax Officials ranks up rather high on the Shit I Would Rather Not Do list? Agreed.

I'm done having palpitations at thoughts of crazy angry Tax Reprisals though, so now that I've talking myself down off the ledge, on we go... And really, isn't writing a highly entertaining blog a Responsible Adult Thing? I know! I thought so too.

Well my lovelies, I'm rather sad to report I finished my four book saga on Julius Caesar. Snippet of my conversation with my mother:

Me: I just finished my books on Julius Caesar! I didn't know anything about him other than I really like his salads.

Mom: Are you going to start telling people about this, like you did when you read about Vietnam?

Me: Shut up Mom, people need to know these things!

Mom: MOST people do honey....just not you.

And my Mom, as she often is, is right. I know NOTHING about most historical events. I'm not taking pride in it, like, hey, I'm a dumbass! But it's true all the same.

Hi, I'm Sam, and I'm a Math/History/Geography Moron. *chorus* Hi Sam!

One thing (among many) I found fascinating, is that Caesar achieved most of his success AFTER age 31. You know, like conquering entire countries, having a son with Cleopatra, running a (then) world super power, oh, and being killed by rivals and friends alike. So, other than the assassination plot thing, I have hope!

Not that I want to conquer foreign lands, and besides, I'm pretty sure they've all been "discovered" and/or "conquered" by now, but I AM 31, sooo....clearly. I mean, if you know of anywhere, tell me and I'll bedazzle the hell out of a flag and get that sucker planted. I could change my voicemail: "Hi, this is Sam and you've reached my cell phone. Sorry I missed your call. I'm on a campaign to conquer foreign lands, so leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I'm named Supreme Dictator Deity!"

I *also* think we should bring back the all-woman festival the author described. Apparently, on one night every summer, the women would leave their families at home and go out and party in the streets. Men were totally forbidden and if they were caught, the women could beat them up or, on occasion, castrate them! Doesn't that sound like fun ladies? Then again, maybe I've just been stuck in the house too long.

So I'm not sure what I do hope to accomplish, but after reading this series, I'm pretty sure that I'm not living up to potential here. I don't REALLY want to start an empire, and take over foreign lands and be a beloved general. I don't necessarily need statues in my honor, although if you want to start building one, I won't complain (but don't expect payment..). I love writing and love entertaining people, and if I can get this party started on a bigger scale? Well, name a salad after me and we'll call it even.

Comments, questions, want to bedazzle my flag?


Tom Bailey said...

I do not know much about cesar what I know is that wikipedia is a click away if I need to know the basics. going beyond that takes some work.

I just guess... is by reading about him going to help to move my own life forward?

I like your blog.

Tom Bailey

Anonymous said...

I like your blog it's real nice.