Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Looking Like a Fool with Your Pants on the Ground

I can't really top my last post in terms of general entertainment value, well, to me, so instead I'll tell you that I've been TOTALLY sober (no altered cold medicine thankyouverymuch) the whole week and EVERYthing.

I've been making VERY WISE decisions too, like, watching both Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew AND the last-season-with-Simon-Cowell-of-American Idol. While it's true that Am Idol would probably do BETTER if the contestants were heavily drugged at this point (and frankly who's to say they're NOT), it's still stupidly fun to watch. I know, it appeals to the part of me that might have cheered a gladiator vs. lion match in ancient Rome. Dammit, I embrace my inner thirst for destruction. Usually.

Besides, if I didn't watch Am Idol like the reluctant follower I became a year ago (I heart YOU Adam Lambert!) I wouldn't have learned this week's catchy tune, "Pants on the Ground":

I wholeheartedly endorse that dude's message, for one, and it's a useful concept when you have small kids running around! Try getting it out of your head. You're welcome.

On Celebrity Rehab, I'm also learning new things. Heidi Fleiss isn't just a retired Madam, she's also a meth addict! And, when you're a heroin addict, you get weird skin abscesses, which, if you're lucky, Dr. Drew will probe with a needle until I almost vomit. Yet another reason to Live Sober, kids.

Speaking of not being sober, or things that will sober you up, it's tax time! I have begun the task of collecting all our tax information and this year I'm hoping to actually PAY someone ELSE to do the dirty work. I have done our taxes (I'll wait until the snickering stops) for the last few years and after forgetting to sign something in the appropriate box LAST year, the IRS sent it back and basically it all amounted to us getting our refund back in June. So hopefully this year we'll find a trained professional and get our money back when it's not SUMMER. Bills to pay yo.

As it's Friday, which is also verging on Cocktail Saturday here at the House of Eternal Despair, what are YOUR weekend plans? I know I promised a special Guest Blog this week, but my Guest Blogger was VERY busy watching Celebrity Rehab and using her new Sephora eyeshadow, so I'm hoping for next week. You'll just have to wait. Here at Eat the Green Jell-o, we (and by we, I mean me and a couple paid drunks friends) are working on new ideas all the time! (And by new ideas I mean things that distract us from the burden of our lives.) Check back and keep your pants off the ground!

Comments, questions, wanna do my taxes?