Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Fantasy Life, Part I

Yesterday, I changed my layout, as I'm sure you've already noticed (and sent me some cash and tickets to Puerto Rico) and I also changed my profile. I spoke laughingly of my rich fantasy life. I have an excellent fantasy life, all inside my head. I'm not talking about the kind of fantasy life that ends up with me wearing a tinfoil helmet, or papering a room with newspaper clippings of Brangelina. I'm talking about an awesome "if my life were REALLY cool, this is how it would be" fantasy life.

Since it's FREEZINGBALLS cold here and prepping to blizzard (and I already stocked up on essentials which include toilet paper, milk, Bacardi Daiquiri mix, and mojito lime spice packets) I will treat you to a super rare glimpse inside my head's fantasy world...

Right now, I am writing to you from St. Barth. It's where the Rich and Famous hang out, so naturally I'm here. This is my view, isn't it nice?

I also have rock hard abs. You can bounce a quarter off them. I do 5,000 crunches a day and eat only soybeans and Coke Zero. I basically look justlikethis.

When I'm not doing crunches or lounging on the lanai with a Coke Zero, I like to ride around on my pink Hyabusa. I can shift with ease, and without counting gears...(because it's MY fantasy world so SHUT up if you've ever seen me try to shift out of neutral....)

Of course, I'm a very prestigious Famous Writer, so I have to spend some time working on my Craft. And by craft, I mean my amazing literary prowess...

Of course, the kids need plenty of room, so we've invested in our Compound, which we named Tara. Yes, just like Gone with the Wind. Suck it.

And in the evenings, when we're ready to relax, the whole family heads out on our boat, which we named Sammo Kicks Ass. (It's MY fantasy boat in my head, okay?)

I know, after seeing all that you're probably thinking that you wish YOUR life could be half as awesome. Just have a few kids and lose some accompanying brain cells and YOU TOO can imagine your life to be super cool even if it's really not.

If anyone needs me, it's time for my drink on the lanai...

Comments, questions, what's your fantasy?