Monday, November 9, 2009

Rambling madwoman

I only have a few precious minutes to type to you today, faithful two readers! Today I have to haul my 20 lb emotional-eater cat to the vet because he pulled a kitty hammy jumping from the counter to the floor or vice versa, and he won't let anyone near him without hissing and growling and sounding possessed. That's sort of normal, but he won't sit on the couch and THAT my friends is totally abnormal. AND even worse, he's not emotional-eating like a pre-Biggest Loser contestant on a binge and that is the scariest part of all.

And the besty-est best part is I get to take my fat angry cat to the vet WITH the kids too! My vet didn't have any appointment times this weekend other than emergencies and apparently fat cats hunger-striking don't qualify. I know, weird, right? Like do I care about your golden-doodley-doo when Mr. Chubs (not his real name) isn't eating??? NO!

And worse still, WORSE STILL, is that my vacuum is. not. working. again. I almost can't see for the hysterical tears filling my eyes. I tried about 495 different plugs hoping against hope that it was my electrical system in the house (don't even bother pointing out how much more expensive that little problem would have been. I'm not rational when it comes to Riccar.) but it wasn't! It's Riccar! What is his freaking problem??? You know what, I don't even care. Now I have to lug him back down a hundred billion miles to the Magic Happy Riccar Shop of Love. Again! And will they give me a loaner vac again? I don't know. And my carpet needs to be swept.

PLUS and this is highly awesome - The Destroyer squirted car polish all over the play room and now it's highly toxic in there, but I can't even put down baking soda or anything because Riccar is dead. WTF? I mean really. Seriously?

And yesterday was my birthday and thanks internet minions for the warm wishes, tequila, and jewelry. You never let me down. I'm being facetious. I totally did not receive enough jewelry from you people!

I can't even think right now because I am not dressed and the fat cat has to be stuffed in a carrier that he's wayyyyyy too big for, but he is hiding under the bed.

I'd love to stay and chat but I can't. Today is sucking and it started without me!

Comments, questions, belated envelopes full of cash?