Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The End is Nigh! And it'll be on Blu-Ray

I came upstairs this morning to pay bills, and look, instead I'm blogging! I have a truly gifted attention span, no? No. I was then distracted even further from my urge to write checks (to people I'd rather didn't have my money) by the ad for 2012 (the movie) on Perez.

It was all slick and edgy and skyscrapers and roads were plunging into a huge chasm in the earth and....yeahhhhh.....I don't really like apocalypse stuff. Unless we're talking about Apocalyptica songs, in which case I am totally on board. Movies that feature my home planet blowing up, melting, imploding, or otherwise failing in some huge and tragic way really really bringouttheanxiety a bit. Just a bit.

Besides, all my super genius book-a-holic friends have been joking about the year 2012 now for years. "Don't worry, we only have 4 years left! I won't even have to save for my kid's college!" Ha ha. Really funny people, talking to Anxiety Woman like that. Do you even know how much these comments have caused me to vacuum???

I get it, the awesome mathematically-superior Mayan calendar ends in 2012. Maybe the mofos just ran out of stone tablets! Anyone ever think of that?! It's not like they had a Mayan Office Depot out there in the rain forest. Maybe the head Mayan calendar guy got sick of charting the stars and doing rudimentary calculus and took a vacation to a nice little hut on a mountain top so people would stop asking him to check the stars and see if they should get married on a Wednesday or not. There clearly ARE options other than the world ending.

At the very least, I don't have to watch movies depicting the whole thing, right? I had a hard enough time after watching I am Legend; I came up with a back up plan just in case a Vampire-Zombie virus happened to break out. Clearly you'd have to immediately stock up on food, weapons and gas. I was discussing my plan with The Man when he said, "Wait a minute, movies like this freak you out, but movies with things that are REAL, like serial killers don't???" Not so, Captain America, they all freak me out, but there were a LOT more Vampire-Zombies and if you were attacked BY a Vampire-Zombie, you'd become ONE. On the other hand, if attacked by a serial killer, you'll just have to Chuck Norris your way out of that one but you wouldn't TURN INTO a serial killer. See? Totally logical.

If anyone needs me, I'll be hitting a Super WalMart, where I can purchase both food in bulk AND weapons! Hooray!

Comments, questions, what's your phobia?


Aunt Becky said...

Blogging is ALWAYS better than paying bills. DUH.

Sammo said...

Totally. Although I'm not sure the gremlins in accounting who are waiting for my money agree. But they suck anyway.