Monday, November 2, 2009

Baaaaaack in black!

Breathe a sigh of relief; while the economy still sucks, you probably still have 10 pounds you want to lose (just like me!) and you aren't yet driving that Transformer Camero either, your favorite blogger (or semi-favorite, or sort of quarter-favorite) is back in the saddle again! (Insert AC/DC vocals here.)

I've had my morning shot of the Captain perked up, and while you can't see me, and my profile picture is suitably brooding, I promise I am smiling enough that I'm breaking a dimple loose. I know, impressive right? Yesterday I was all crying in my coffee emo and today, why, that happy bluebird might just fly off my shoulder, and crap on your shoe.

So let's get this party started!

How was your Halloween, kidlets? Mine was stressful, with a splash of crazy. We drove across town and took the kiddos to their Grandpa's and then through our old 'hood for some quick trick-er-treatin' before heading to a party. Who does that much crap with two tired kids? We do! Who wishes they'd stayed home, put on holey sweat pants and shot some pool instead? We do! But it was cool, just the same. Especially when we realized that the other parents attending the same party had gotten a sitter, AND were going to change later. That meant WE walked around, totally in costume, freezing balls off, AND had to take the kids while THEY got to wear coats, change at home, and then party like rock stars. Awesome. But hey, my kids had enough candy to power Asian sweatshops for a week, so it all worked out.

The best part you ask? The besty best best part? On the drive across our glamorous big city, I got to see the. most. ghetto. ist. thing. ever. That's right, EVER. When I tell you how ghetto this is, you'll be jealous that you didn't see it, and ANGRY at me for not taking a picture to prove its existence. Trust me friends when I say that I am not nearly creative enough to make this up. Really.

We were driving past a beat up gray car when I noticed that they had no rear-view mirror on the interior. As we passed the car, I saw that... wait a second, the lady's kid was riding in the front seat and was holding the detached mirror and swiveling it around so the driver could see behind her. Yeah. Told you so.

Can you imagine that conversation? "Honey, hold up the mirror, Mommy's changing lanes!" I mean, I'm not mocking the lady for the car. Trust me. I've HAD crappy cars. I had an 82 Honda hatchback in college and when friends asked if they could smoke in the car, I always said "You can put the cigarette OUT on the seats for all I care!" (This was before The Asthma reared its ugly head and robbed me of sweet, life sustaining AIR on a regular basis.) Furthermore, Honda makes a flipping indestructible (insert Disturbed song here) vehicle because my mom swears she still sees that thing driving around.

Aaaaanyhoo, so I am NOT mocking having a junked out car. I AM mocking the lack of mechanical ingenuity needed to buy a bottle of Gorilla Glue. Or Super glue. Or nail glue, in a pinch if you had to. I mean, you could go from ghetto to ghetto-FABULOUS if you bedazzled that thing and super-glued it back on the windshield, am I right? And give your poor kid's arm a break; was that kid even legal in the front seat? I do not know.

So rejoice dear readers, you have shared in my ghetto-rific experience. And be glad that I'm no longer needing the Prozac back to the happier side of life. I'm also going to start trying to meditate again, since I'm tired of feeling my blood pressure rise faster than the interest on my college loan. Stay tuned this week, up next is The Obligatory Defensive Justification Blog. I know, it sounds riveting.

Comments, questions, ghetto car sightings?