Friday, October 2, 2009

Random and whimsical, just like Mommy

Today is just a collection of stuff bouncing around in my head - or maybe just stuff stuck on haphazard post-it-notes in my head. The us'....

* I am pretty sure that I lost about 50 IQ points after listening to ten minutes of the Bratz movie my kid picked out. I am also pretty sure I'm a crap mom for letting her watch it - and now my dreams of burning bras together and wearing shirts that say "This is What a Feminist Looks Like" will be shattered by Bratz' influence.

* On another kid-related kick, I noticed that when I moved the arms on my kid's doll that huge lumps appeared in her arm pits. Look kids, it's Bubonic Plague Barbie! Comes complete with flea-infested bedding and cart for the dead. (I'm pretty sure I'm a huge nerd for even noticing such a thing.)

* I have a down comforter that I finally wrestled into place this week, with much cursing, sweating and effort. The awesome thing about it is that the down (despite this being a super fancy name brand expensive top-o'-the-line) comforter is that all the down has migrated to one side and the bottom. Thus, I sleep in an oven, The Man freezes and huddles against his pillow for warmth, and our feet roast. I tried washing and beating it - nada. Ahhhh the luxury of down.

* I'm getting ready to paint this week. I have decided on a faux-painting suede technique. I'm pretty sure that I will screw it up and my room will look like a room full of toddlers went crazy. Bob Villa's video on the internet said it was easy though, and Bob Villa would NOT LIE TO ME.

* A friend of mine went to the airport this week, and seriously, honestly, asked security while GOING THROUGH security, if they knew about the ass-b0mbers. I cannot believe this person didn't end up with a nice cavity search. Oh how I would have paid money to hear the security guy's reaction.

* My amazingly awesome costume choice for the Halloween Bonanza of 2009 has. not. arrived. yet. I am not pleased. I might (and I cannot confirm this) throw a giant screaming girly fit. They may (and I cannot confirm this either) receive a call from a slightly unhinged woman demanding a new costume be shipped POSTHASTE my friends, posthaste. And forthwith. And right the heck now.

* My gorgeous re-built Riccar vacuum cleaner succumbed to a clog earlier this week. Given that my talents for fixing her (hey, don't get all 'oh she's weird' when you KNOW you secretly have pronouns for your bike, or car or boat or moped!) pretty much end where bent metal coat hangers stop working, so I carted her off to the repair shop. It was there, that much like Spongebob eying the new Spatula 4000 that I saw the candy glitter red new Riccar model. Ohhhhh yeah. Then I saw the price tag - but unlike Spongebob I wasn't about to trade my hot square pants for a $600 vacuum. And since the sound of sweeping soothes me, much like a colicky baby, I'm hoping my old model gets unclogged as soon as possible.

* I'm reading a book on raising kids. The main theory seems to inadvertently involve becoming Buddhist (I swear it does) and I also have to discipline myself FIRST and my kids SECOND. So apparently it is NOT within book guidelines to try and wail on the angels from the front seat while they're throwing stuff out the windows in the back. I am not good at disciplining myself, especially when my kids are calling total strangers 'poopy buttholes' (I know, my kids are classy). There are so many reasons I cannot possibly be Buddhist; I am horrible at meditatation, desire virtually EVERYthing, and have absolutely NO ability shown thus far to create a 'calm mind.' I heart the Dalai Lama like crazy yo, but he doesn't have small kids either, does he? I'll let you know how this book thing goes.

That concludes today's list o' the random thoughts. Comments, questions, anything random of your own?