Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Oh Crazy Eyes....

*Spoiler Alert!* If you watch The Biggest Loser and missed it last night, stop right now because I don't want to ruin anything for ya'... Otherwise, read on, blog-groupies, read on.

I have always loved the show; it has a great premise, and frequently, really great contestants. It's a bright spot in reality tv's dark void; but sometimes, on occasion, a Loony McNutter slips through the cracks in casting, and wreaks havoc with the game for all the nice, normal and decent people on the show. This season's Batty-as-Shit contestant is Tracy.

Tracy started off as a sympathetic game player, collapsing in a puddle on the sand during Day One, and being hospitalized for about two episodes. She returned to The Ranch amid many hugs and all sorts of gung-ho happiness. By now, however, I am pretty sure the other players are wishing they'd rolled her evil body into the ocean instead of flying her out in a helicopter. Or maybe that's just me.

On the show, they frequently have "Temptations" in which the players can gain some small advantage if they eat some unhealthy food under a dish. Tracy took several temptations early, earning Jillian Michaels' (see also: my pretend best-best friend) wrath. One would think that a verbal spanking from Jillian would be enough (hey, she makes grown, overweight football players CRY people. Regularly.), but not for Tracy, no, no.

In several different episodes we got to watch Tracy explain her totally batshit "logic" to the camera in the little confessional room (which I think looks like a bizarre pantry). "I mean, it's about me, and I'm standing up for me. I need to be here!" I'm paraphrasing here, but basically, she ignored every bit of good advice Jillian my Super Hero gave her, and justified being a total backstabbing douche, all while rolling her eyes like a horse facing a barn fire. Crazy Eyes!

Last night though, was the final straw. (Spoiler, spoiler!) Tracy chose to participate in yet ANOTHER temptation (when will you learn! Donuts got you to the show! Put the cake down and step away slowly....) and managed to pick up the golden ticket which gave her power to choose the new teams. The other contestants looked like they would gladly have carried Crazy Eyes up a mountain and left her for dead. Jillian looked at the camera and said "Really? Tracy won? Really??!" and I was pretty sure Jillian would have been happy to unleash her awesome ninja skills all over Crazy Eyes' face.

While choosing teams, Tracy chose to train with Bob (see also: the Ambiguously-Gay Yoga Guru) and stated that she knew she and Bob had "a connection I can feel." Bob looked like he'd just swallowed a horsefly, and/or that someone had crapped on his shoe. On purpose. The camera cut to Jillian saying that Crazy Eyes had no connection with Bob, but was avoiding the beating she (Jillian) would have gladly dished out. I would pay to see such a beating.

Crazy Eyes further destroyed any hope of actually succeeding and/or having friends, by splitting almost every existing team up between the two *new* teams. People were crying. People were plotting. Surely, surely if Tracy were up for a vote she would be sent packing! Surely? Please?

And then, in a Stunning Decision of Total Stupidity, Tracy DID come up for a vote, and did she go home and take The Crazy with her? NO! NO! Dammit no! They sent Coach Mo home and kept Crazy Eyes on the ranch. WHAT????

I mean really.

Now I have to watch her talk to herself and mutter incoherently and roll her crazy-ass eyes around for a few more episodes until people realize they should push her under the nearest moving bus vote her off the Ranch.

Or until Jillian snaps and thrashes her. Whichever comes first.

Comments, questions, anything crazy?

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