Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Vince Vaughn is pregnant with sextuplets

It's cold here - too cold for this time of year. I'm trapped indoors with my kids, one of which has a hella-cold and I don't want to risk her catching anything worse (H1N1!!!! swine flu!!!)! So here I am. Currently I'm listening to her try and hawk up a little somethin' from her throat. Niiiiice.

My neighbor's kid actually DOES have the H1N1(!!!) so what did I do? Burn her house down? Invest in a tanker truck full of bleach? No! I let her borrow my ear thermometer. Don't worry - I did disinfect it with bleach, bleach my door knobs, and then promptly threw the offending thermometer into my freezer, because, well, I obviously couldn't use the microwave. Death to swine flu!

In all seriousness, today sucks. A lot. My vacuum cleaner is a' waitin' but I can't get there until I get my car back. My car isn't here because my stepkid's car is in the shop. Following all that? My stepkid is probably mortally emotionally wounded by her dad's suggestion she get 27 jobs and work nights to pay for her own stuff.

I also have a class I'm taking (the one in which I am reading the book that I swear promotes parental Buddhism) but I can't go because I would have to pay for a sitter for my cranky cold kid, or take her to the childcare where she would most undoubtedly get The Swine Flu. Can't take chances here people.

Should I even mention that the Cramps of Doom are on the way? (Although between you and me, I kill them with narcotics - yes prescribed thankyouverymuch - and get a lot of cleaning done) Or how about that my son the Destroyer emptied several oatmeal packets on the carpet? With no vacuum cleaner? Or I could tell you how I didn't sleep last night - but did have a really disturbing dream about Vince Vaughn, being pregnant with sextuplets. Because THAT is how my dreams roll. Zero prophecy or even subconsciousness, just loaded with the crazy.

So yeah. My hair is still in a towel and I have to make lunch.

Comments, questions, how's your day?